TL;DR:
We were seeing each other regularly and talked about exclusivity, but I noticed inconsistencies. I found her active on dating apps despite her repeatedly denying it, even after I directly asked. I confirmed she lied multiple times, including matching with my fake account after saying she hadn’t matched with anyone.
Hey guys, hoping to get some real advice and perspective here.
I’ve been talking to this girl for a while now. We originally matched on a dating app earlier in the year. I ghosted the first time, then later she didn’t reply to me, and then we ended up matching again a third time. This time, things actually took off. We talked a lot, finally met in October, and since then we’ve been seeing each other fairly regularly.
At one point while we were out together, the topic of exclusivity came up. During that conversation, she told me she hadn’t been on any dating apps since meeting me. I wasn’t completely convinced, but I didn’t have any real reason not to trust her and didn’t want to project past experiences onto her.
Things continued going well. She’d cook for me, send me home with food she made, and overall seemed genuinely invested. Her family has a farm and she would get me free eggs, always stocking me up. She doesn’t drink, avid gym goer, had some great things in common and I really liked this.
Recently, though, I noticed her energy change. I had noticed that the follower count on her Instagram had changed. I was actually showing my sister her account and I wasn’t actively looking for anything, but it stood out. I remember weird things and have a mild photographic memory. So little inconsistencies just pop out at me. I mentioned it briefly and my sister said she had used a third-party app (not naming it) and did it for me. We checked and saw a guy I didn’t recognize. I ended up hanging out with her later that night and brought it up. When I asked her about it later that night, she hesitated before answering and said it was someone from work. When I mentioned his name, she didn’t seem to recognize it, which felt odd considering you work with him and he just followed you, plus she had followed him back. The guy is also from a city over an hour away, which added to my confusion. Just doesn’t add up.
This led me to believe she might still be on dating apps. I asked her directly that evening and she told me no, said she wasn’t talking to anyone else, and that she’d told her friends about me. The original “you’re the only one I’m talking to”. Told me she doesn’t “have time” to talk to others and isn’t the “type” to do so. The conversation ended up being a bit awkward, and I left with more questions than answers. I’m really good at reading into a person.
I had already deleted my dating apps, but with the growing suspicion, I made a fake one just yesterday. I ended up finding her on it, and I sent her a like. Her profile also stated “active today”. So I obviously screenshotted it. Since her communication had completely changed, I brought up how it has been super noticeable. When I brought it up, she said my questioning about the guy on instagram reminded her of something from the past and that she didn’t want to deal with that again. I understand that, but I also value clarity and honesty. She again told me she wasn’t on apps when I asked, even though I had proof. Again I said nothing because I was more so waiting to see if she’d match with the fake account I had made.
Fast forward to this morning, I didn’t see anything, but had the itch to just remake my own. So I did, found her and it said “active now”. So I texted her and said I wanted to talk to her. Keep in mind I checked the false account in the morning and the phone call was in the afternoon. She she tells me that yeah she's been on it and it's just for "looksies" and that it's an "ego boost". Goes on to tell me that she hasn't matched with anyone. I hadn't checked the other profile and I never got a notif on it that there was a match, so I think I'm in the clear. We have a good convo and left it at that. I had some urge to check the other profile out though, and I do. I log in and there's her, the only person I liked and it's a match. She had matched with me on that account an hour before I had called her. So yet again, she lied to me when asked again.
I’m trying to figure out my play here. Im unsure if I should confront her and show proof that I know she matched with another person, or play the slow game and see if she responds to it first. I told her that not being on the apps after having an exclusive talk is common sense. She’s since deleted her bumble. I had deleted the app, not my account and it shows as a deleted account now. However her Hinge profile is not deleted. Might be ruthless but I could setup a date between her and the fake profile and show up, caught in the act style. I might see her tomorrow so I’m thinking of giving the ultimatum. Come clean now or just be done. One last opportunity to come clean. I understand some of this is going into crazy town, but I’m out of season, been single for 4 years, and I’m just feeling super disappointed.
Any help would be great, thanks everyone who decides to comment and sorry for the long read.