I (27F) have been dating my boyfriend (early 33M) for about 15 months. We care about each other a lot, but we’ve had ongoing differences around emotional expression and future planning. He hasn’t said “I love you” yet and tends to be very cautious, logical, and slow to commit. I lean more anxious and value verbal reassurance and clarity. From what I understand, he has a dismissive-avoidant attachment style.
Recently, we started talking about potentially moving in together. He owns his home and has tenants who cover the mortgage. He proposed that I pay around $900–$1,000/month (including rent/property tax) to live with him. For comparison, staying with my current roommate would cost me about $500 in rent plus utilities, so the total is similar.
On paper, this seems reasonable — but emotionally, it’s bringing up a lot for me. Because he hasn’t said “I love you” and avoids firm timelines, I already feel like I’m in a bit of a waiting position in the relationship. Being asked to financially contribute to his asset without clear emotional commitment or shared future planning makes me feel more like a tenant than a partner.
I’m not opposed to contributing financially, but I expected moving in with a partner to feel more supportive and less transactional, especially given the emotional uncertainty. Instead, I’m feeling turned off and confused, which surprised me.
Am I overreacting because of my attachment style, or is it reasonable to pause moving in until the relationship feels more emotionally secure and maybe less money? He makes 110k a year besides tenants and I make 60k a year.
TL;DR should boyfriends charge their partners to move into their already established living spaces?