so for starters im 15f and my CURRENT gf is K 16f (stud) and my ex is T 17f (also a stud). we’re using first letters to stay anonymous.
okay so we gon start off w my ex. me and T started talking may 9th and actually dating may 15th. everything felt cute and exciting at first until it didn’t. the first time she cheated on me, we were literally screen sharing and going through each others phones. i wasn’t even looking for anything and boom i saw messages from some girl.
i forgave her. i tried to keep the relationship going. but after that? everything was off. every argument felt explosive. we were constantly fighting, threatening each other, saying horrible stuff. it just destroyed me. i don’t even wanna get into the details because that relationship genuinely traumatized me. now she’s just a stranger no love, no hate, nothing. i’m over it.
now my current relationship is where everything gets complicated. i started dating my current girlfriend K on november 17th. and she’s NOTHING like T. she hasn’t cheated, she hasn’t lied, she hasn’t given me a single reason to doubt her.
but my brain won’t let me relax.
i constantly feel like i need to be otp with her because the second i’m not, my mind starts doing the whole “what if she’s cheating?” “what if she’s losing feelings?” “what if something’s off?” and the worst part is even when she reassures me, it doesn’t help.
if she gives me too much attention, i think she’s hiding something. if she gives me less attention, i think she’s losing interest. there’s literally no winning. i’m starting to distance myself because of it and i hate that i’m doing that. i actually like this girl. i WANT this to work. and it sucks because i feel like i’m ruining something good.
another thing is we kinda have a personality clash. we’re both really sensitive. she’s the type to whine when she’s upset. i’m the type to get irritated when someone whines. i try to baby her and tell her to “use her words,” but she doubles down on whining. i get irritated. i end up yelling. and the crazy thing? she likes it?? she’s into the whole dominance thing but i’m naturally gentle so it’s weird and confusing and we just kinda compromise.
so really what i need advice on is how do i stop letting my past relationship ruin this one? i want to trust K. i want to love her correctly. i want her to feel safe with me. i don’t want to be paranoid every time she hangs up the phone or is busy. i feel guilty for even being in a relationship while thinking like this. i don’t know how to explain my feelings to her without sounding insecure, jealous or possessive. and i already hate that i don’t trust her friends unless i know them.
i don’t want to sabotage something good just because i’m scared.
how do i stop letting my past trauma control this relationship? how do i fix the way i think before i mess up something that actually means something to me?
TL;DR: my ex cheated on me and it traumatized me. now i’m in a new relationship with a girl who’s done nothing wrong but my paranoia and trust issues are making me push her away. i’m scared my past is gonna ruin something good and idk how to stop it.