I feel like our generation isn’t made for long term commitment.

21 comments

1. I find a lot of people are looking to build a life on their own and fit someone in it. Not build a life with someone

2. That‘s my expirience as a man. Maybe I also have poor choices when it comes to women, Maybe Not. Maybe im too picky

   But Most Women I Date Are Not worth Building a Life together.

3. Yup. Lots of people expect to find a relationship by swiping through a catalog of strangers on an app instead of making an effort to meet people and be vulnerable. They’re tricked into thinking they have endless options, so why commit to just one? They expect you to sleep with randos after only a few dates to test if you’re “sexually compatible” instead of actually getting to know you and seeing if they like you first. They don’t want to do any self-improvement to become better partners or prospects. They won’t compromise and expect a partner to fit neatly into their life and routine instead of building a life together.

   It’s not just dating, though. We can’t go five seconds without looking at our phones. We buy tons of cheap crap fast fashion because we don’t have the patience to save for ethically made clothes, go thrifting or make our own (like my parents and grandparents had to do). We’re in debt up to our eyeballs spending money we haven’t earned yet. We hire personal taxis for our Taco Bell orders. We make plans with our friends and cancel at the last second just because we don’t feel like leaving the house anymore. We ask ChatGPT to think for us. A lot of us don’t have the stomach to be the slightest bit uncomfortable, ever.

   If it’s not cheap, fast and convenient we just don’t have the attention span to handle it. Of COURSE we can’t handle the work required for a long-term relationship.

4. I’m looking for a long-term relationship 🥲. But this is so true. My longest relationship lasted a little over three years before it just fell apart. Problems started coming up left and right, and we just couldn’t deal with them anymore.

5. Attitudes towards relationships have changed. 

   Nowadays People are spending so much time and energy just looking for the “right person”. Someone who is unrealistically compatible with them right from the beginning. A needle in a haystack. 

   In the past we would find someone who was good enough and put time and energy into learning about each other and growing with them and becoming increasingly compatible instead of expecting it from the start. 

   People don’t want to work on their disagreements and differences with their partner anymore. They’d rather just dump their partner and attempt to find someone else who is “more compatible”.

6. I agree with you.
   The last guy I dated had issues, which I was very much willing to help and be there for him. But instead of working things together, he opted to ghost me. Total abandonment. At one point I thought he is jailed or worst but then I found out he was lurking online couple of days but chose to ignore me.

   It’s just a whole new attitude when it comes down to the challenges.

7. Lifelong monogamy is a choice, not a product of human nature. Marriage, faithfulness etc is a relatively new thing to the modern human

   (Modern human being around 200,000 years old)

8. Looking at all the long lasting marriages in my family, I think people used to put up with a lot more than we do now. Its not that people have more commitment issues, I think its moreso that people are able to recognize unhealthy relationships. Its more socially acceptable now to say “hey, I don’t deserve to be treated this way”. Abuse used to be kept behind closed doors and normalized, even romanticized. Now we have a lot more support and resources so we dont have to stay in situations like that. With the rise of the internet and social media, we have endless information at our fingertips so we can recognize what behaviors are okay, and what aren’t. We have the freedom to set a standard for ourselves, and if it doesn’t work out, there are more ways to meet people than there were, say even 30 years ago. We hear about failed relationships more often *because* we have social media as well.

9. The best relationships are built, not found. Too many people are looking for finished products without having to grow together or do any of the actual work to build a good foundation for the relationship. They want all the fun now, then when things get hard or boring they move on to the next person chasing the next high. They have no idea how to properly communicate because texting through screens is how people talk now a days.

   Also I’m sure this is obvious at this point, but I think dating apps and social media have irreversibly damaged everyone’s mindsets. Never settle for less and I don’t owe anyone anything mentality have destroyed dating.

10. I’m going to play a bit of devil’s advocate here.

    Though love is an action, it takes 2 people to make it work and 1 person to end it. Marriage is difficult and I agree with your overall sentiment. You don’t get married with the belief in mind that it’ll eventually end. However, a good chunk of the marriages that you see that have lasted 30-40+ years are not happy but are still married out of convenience. Those people were raised in a time where divorce wasn’t the norm but they still aren’t happy. An unhappy marriage that stays intact is not the greatest situation either. Which goes back to my original statement in this paragraph that it takes 2 people to make relationship or marriage work and just 1 to break it.

    I do agree that there is the fear that divorce will come over fickle means. That’s why it’s truly the biggest decision of your life to make sure that the person you choose to marry is the person who will love you, respect you and be willing to always fight just like you will to make it work through the good times and the bad.

11. There’s too much social media promoting curated versions of relationships that are not based in reality. You are correct in that love is an action, not a feeling. Love means choosing my partner each day, despite ebbs and flows in the relationship, which are completely natural.

12. It seems that young people don’t date very much. They get into a relationship in their teens and just stay with the person for years. The whole point of dating is to discover what you want in life and what you like and don’t in a partner. Also, people grow and change a lot in their teens and 20’s. How do you know what you like or don’t if you’ve only ever dated one person? I’m 55F, by the way. When I was a teenager, most high school relationships lasted 3-6 months. I dated many people in high school. This was normal at the time. I dated the first guy I fell in love with for a whole school year when I was 16. That relationship ended bc his family moved to another state.

13. Not sure if it American or Western, but I’m from Asia and a lot of my friends from highschool and younger day seem to be able to hold together. A lot of them get married and even have kid.

14. Divorce is up because people feel like they can do better and be happier instead of aiming to be content and close to their spouse.

15. I dont think our generation lacks commitment, i just think we were sold a fake version of love. People expect the spark to last forever, and when it fades (which it always does around 2–4 years), they assume the relationship is broken instead of realizing that’s when real work starts.

    unfortunately we live in a comfortable culture, so discomfort feels like a reason to leave. Long relationships will still exist, they’ll just be rarer and built by people who understand that love is a choice, not a constant high.

16. Listen everyone. There is no formula. Everyone has their theories and opinions. Yes there is data that can help you mitigate it but the reality is that all relationships end. Maybe 5 months, maybe 30 years. You never know. Don’t live in the illusion of permanence. Enjoy your time with someone and when the wave stops moving, it will end. Tough one to bite off and I know a lot will disagree but just look around. Relationships of all kind of combinations of behaviors, ages, careers, etc come to an end at some point.

17. Well, a lot of people have attachment related issues. I think Gen Z deals with so much externally already with life in general. So, relationships are just another aspect of added stress that they’re just not able to deal with.

    Their capacity is limited, so it isn’t surprising that they have a mentality of wanting a relationship that is easy for them.

18. Yeah and then when it gets tough one of them runs away from the issues

19. Agree

20. I mean, it doesn’t really help if I’m with a woman who makes feel like I’m on a timetable. Making it feel like I have deadlines that I might not be ready or moving at the same pace yet. Like, the famous “2 years before moving in on the 3rd year rule” while simultaneously thinking about proposing in less than year of living together. Relationships change and take time even when you’re together. It really sucks because without proper communication women often opt out of a relationship mentally beforehand because they expect the man to read their minds about what they want. Which just leaves both of us feel annoyed and exacerbated.

21. In the end love is a choice. Humans are not perfect and if you want to spend the rest of your life with someone you will need to give the other cheek a lot (and so does your partner, you are not perfect either). People are just not willing to do that in this time and age, we think there will be always someone else that is perfect for us when in reality you actually need to actively and continuously shape yourself to fit the other person if you want to be a “perfect” partner.

    Relationships feel like walking on egg shells and there is absolutely no space for mistakes or second chances.

    I just joined the rest of the world, I am fully conscious that I will just build a family with 2 dogs and that’s how I will die in the end, or who knows, maybe I will find an 80yo woman that is also single (there will be lots of them) and we die together if the timing is right.

    So ye, it will be a life of switching partners A LOT and never get attached because we will not be mentally able to allow ourselves to get attached.