i’m with my boyfriend of 2 months, and we’re learning things about each other as we go. he is a great partner, i never thought i would meet someone who loved me the way i love and without being asked to be considered the way he considers me. we share mostly the same expectations and values; coming out of a toxic relationship previously i immediately noticed that he’s extremely affectionate and communicates well. as with all relationships there are things he does that i’m not always happy about and question but i really love him.
my issue currently is that he’s had a lot of relationship experiences. i knew about these things before we started dating but i thought i could overcome being insecure about it.
he’s had 3 short term relationships, a situationship/friends with benefits about a month or more before meeting me which he’s said have all been negative, toxic, etc. a few days ago told me he made out with a random girl at a party 2 years ago when i questioned his character outside of relationship obligations. these things may not seem like anything for the average or secure person but i’ve been feeling extremely sick and gross about it. (i definitely don’t think it has anything to do with the fact that i’ve only had 1 other relationship before him – i wouldn’t feel any better even if i slept with a lot of men, not that i’m the type of person who would anyway)
i am aware that i have an anxious attachment style and quite insecure; i’ve been working to heal it through setting boundaries, holding myself to standards, letting go of controlling situations, building trust and independence with myself, seeing things through despite the discomfort etc. all to prepare myself for situations like this however i just fell apart at the idea that this person might not be for me. maybe it’s immature of me to say this but i don’t think i can be with someone long term who’s slept with so many people and would likely continue to if our relationship ends. i am haunted by the ghosts of his previous lovers even though i know logically those relationships ended for good reason, he’s only ever had negative things to say about.
my boyfriend is great at reassuring me and has been quite patient with my anxiety however has also expressed he doesn’t like revisiting these experiences especially the situationship before me (the girl was abusing drugs) as they impacted him a lot – i think that’s completely reasonable, we just haven’t ever gotten clear about timelines and that makes me stressed because i’m fixated on the fact that i’m girl number 3 this year alone and hate to think i could be a rebound. i told him that when we were still friends that he should probably take a break from relationships, i’m starting to question if we shouldn’t have rushed into things. for reference we got together minimum 7 months after my 2 year relationship ended and i have zero attachment to it. my boyfriend has told me he doesn’t feel anything after breakups and that he is perfectly ready for a relationship with me but of course i have my doubts. (is that actually possible? i think he was trying to have a relationship with the girl previous to me for about 6 months about a month before we met)
tldr my boyfriend’s dating history bothers me and i don’t know what to do but i love him and trying to make it work