Context: I was emotionally and physically neglected as a child. It has led me to have panic attacks and not be able to ask for things I need as an adult. I have been to therapy, it’s gotten better for the most part, except for in the bedroom.
I’ve been with my partner for almost seven years. They are amazingly understanding and patient. The sex is great! However, every time I want to tell them something I want in the moment wether it’s changing positions, using a toy, ect, I freeze and end up saying nothing. And then after when we’re cuddling I break down crying, frustrated at myself for not being able to ask for something that would make the sex more satisfying for me. This has been a reoccurring problem for awhile now, maybe a few years.
Each time this happens partner is kind and understanding, but I can tell it hurts them. It can’t feel good to have sex and then your partner have a panic attack immediately after. And then once I realize I’ve hurt them it makes the panic worse, and I wish I’d just kept it all inside creating a horrible cycle I feel stuck in.
I’m just wondering if anyone has any kind of advice? Or has experienced something similar? Thanks in advance