This is my first Reddit post ever as I’ve never used Reddit before today but could use some advice or guidance. My husband and I have been married for a year, together for 3, and grew up together. Our relationship feels straight out of a movie since we grew next door neighbors, reconnected in high school, and I followed him to college. We have had our ups and downs but I’ve never loved anyone as much as I love him. However, despite being next door neighbors we grew up very differently. His family is the definition of perfect and there all so close. He doesn’t face many struggles and when he does, he always has his family. I am the total opposite where I come from many family issues, traumas, and neglect. I won’t get into it too much but to say it’s left me with a lot of mental struggles and issues (Anxiety, depression, and an eating disorder). I also just got diagnosed last month with ADHD that I am still navigating.
I’ve spent over 5 years in therapy and have come a long way. My husband keeps me grounded for the most part but I try not to be overly “dependent” on him.
Now, as I said previously, I followed him to college. I took a gap year out of highschool because I wasn’t sure about my future. We started dating and I decided to follow him because he helped me feel motivated and college was a good path. My first semester went really good but then I started slipping. Each semester got worse even thought I said to myself and him I’ll turn it around. That wasn’t the case. He graduated in the spring and got a job at his internship. I decided the university was a lot of money and I would try something else. I ended up enrolling online to a tech college to work on my degree. I felt so great with the different environment and really thought I was going to turn things around. For the first few weeks I was doing really good. Unfortunately, it didn’t last. My aunt passed away and my grandpa was diagnosed with cancer (both from my stepmom’s family who I am really close with).
School started slipping and life started getting tough. With my husband working over an hour away, my part time job/school, and life in general we were struggling. We made the decision together I would quit my part time job to focus on school and be a stay at home wife. Just as I left my job my grandpa died. My mom at the same time stopped talking to me and I haven’t heard from her since (it’s been about 4 months). The events were unrelated and I’ve always had a strained relationship with her (previous trauma I referred to). I was and still am utterly devastated and some days can’t get out of bed. My depression hasn’t been this low in years and I’ve never had to navigate this low of mental health with my husband. I started failing in all my classes and with only 2 weeks there is almost no chance of turning it around. I stopped talking to him about school entirely and giving him updates because of my shame. The shame, anxiety, and embarrassment kept growing and growing. I know im very much in the wrong for not communicating and this is all my fault.
My husband caught on that something isn’t right as next week is finals and I’m not having the cliche panic. I know I can’t hold onto this any longer and have to tell him. I scheduled a meeting with my advisor to create an academic plan and hopefully not get kicked out (I have no clue how this works). He has always been the most loving supporting person I know and that’s one of the many reasons I love him so much. How do I go to him tonight and tell him I’m about to fail school and pretty much failed him. I love our relationship and don’t want to lose it but I also understand my actions have consequences.
Like I said this is my first time using Reddit. My apologies for the length or any confusion. I will try to answer and questions or provide any updates I can.
TL;DR; After 2 losses and my mom stopped talking to me my mental health hit a new low. I have to tell my husband that I’m failing out of school after he’s been nothing but supportive. I know that I’ve failed him and don’t know how to continue.