My boyfriend of only 3 months is getting kicked out of his parents because they think he excessively drinks. I feel like he’s hinting at wanting to move in with me but we haven’t been dating long enough for me to be comfortable with that and we’ve had some fights already about money. I live by myself and work multiple jobs while being a full time student just to pay my bills, I live very minimally and frugally (I have no choice but to). He claims he lives frugally but is constantly spending tons of money but complains when he pays for my food if we go out. For example today he went out and bought another pair of boots because he’s been wanting them for a while. Last week he bought a new jacket because he needed one with different lining on the inside. It’s always something. I’m not sure how to get him to realize there’s no way he will be able to live on his own with his spending habits and if he’s stressed about buying me a snack wrap at McDonald’s then I can’t imagine splitting bills like rent with him.
43 comments
Do NOT let this man move in with you.
He is 31 years old and does not have a handle on his life and habits.
I repeat – DO NOT LET HIM MOVE IN.
**It is not your job to raise men and teach them about the world. Let him struggle and protect yourself.**
If I’m being honest? He sounds like he isn’t a good fit for you.
You not only shouldn’t live with him; you should end things with him. Good luck.
Definitely, definitely, DEFINITELY, **DEFINITELY DO NOT** move in with this person. The man is 31 years old, it’s time for him to grow up and learn how to be much more independent.
Definitely don’t let him move in. He has bad drinking habits, will probably be a complete slob, and will not help with bills. Also, dump him asap, before he is kicked out.
I am begging you, please do NOT let him move in with you. If his parents are hinting at the fact that he drinks too much, his alcoholism will only become your burden to bear. Three months of dating is almost nothing CUT LOOSE while you still can. I was with an alcoholic for seven years and it was the most miserable life. Constantly cleaning up after him, cans and bottles strewn everywhere, he would throw up on himself, piss himself, cry and roll around when he would fall and couldn’t get up cuz he was too drunk to walk. I put up with his abusive and manipulation for too long as he would consistently try to convince me he would get sober. The emotional turmoil is not worth it.
I’m confused because I don’t understand why *you* are confused about what to do.
Do you want to be his mother? He’s been sponging off his mother and wants to make you his next piggy bank. Leave and find someone who is grown up
You’re not obligated to let him move in, especially this early in the relationship. Be honest about your boundaries and financial limits he needs to sort out his own housing and spending before living with someone else.
Break up with the loser.
You’re way too smart to be asking what to do! Almost everything you said in your post is a big red flag. It’s not just he’s getting kicked out; it’s why this is happening. The fact that he brought up living together proves he’s very immature for his age. His spending priorities are whacked.
When you say you want him to realize he won’t be able to live on his own, I have to ask why this matters. Let him be someone’s problem.
Not a keeper.
Under no circumstance don’t allow him to stay at your place.
Let him have his own space and don’t do cleaning, cooking or run errans for him either.
Magic word here is : NO.
It’s your choice if you want to keep dating him but do not let him move in. Don’t even let him stay the night and never give him a key. If he’s employed and just has bad spending habits then he needs an instrument how to be an adult. And at that point it’s going to be him either finding a normal roommate or living on his own for a while.
This would be a MASSIVE mistake. Do you really think his parents, who raised him and love him, would be kicking him out if there wasn’t some SERIOUS issues that you haven’t seen NEAR the extent of yet? Plus, the man is 31 and needing to live with his parents at that age. That’s a big red flag without any real explanation for why he can’t afford his own independent life.
If he’s an alcoholic, all his money is probably going on alcohol. Considering the other red flags you’ve raised, I’d be inclined to believe his parents.
RUN fast! Do not let him move in!
The one place where you have to be an absolute train wreck to be kicked out of is your parents. They will put up with your shit for far longer and far worse than anyone else. And they are kicking him out. Think about that.
Under no circumstances have him move in with you. Whatever reasons he has for his parents kicking him out will follow, and you don’t have the history and the power his parents do.
I’d take this as a red flag and reason to dump him myself.
Hard pass. He’s been on the planet for 31 years, surely he doesn’t have to sleep his way into stable housing. You aren’t a rehab for barely functional men. Dump him and run.
You will regret him moving in within the first week, I promise. Make it a point to get away from that man.
You should break up with him because he is going to try very hard to move in with you, and it’ll start with ~ just let me crash tonight because I don’t have anywhere to sleep~
You’re becoming aware that his actions do not match his words.
And that should be enough to tell you that this is not going to be a positive relationship experience, but on top of that, you are also aware that even his parents are fed up with his level of drinking…
You don’t need this.
Huge red flag when your 31 year old boyfriend is getting kicked out of his parent’s house. Another red flag when it’s because they think he drinks too much. And another when you’ve only been dating for 3 months and he’s hinting to move in with you.
Guy has serious issues, clearly. I’d be getting the hell out of that relationship.
Do not let him stay with you for even one night. It doesn’t sound like he is mature or responsible enough right now for a relationship.
Definitely don’t let him move in, do not give him a key, do not just allow him to come over whenever he feels like it or just because you’re off work. Never allow him to stay in your home while you aren’t there.
This relationship is not going to go well. He’s not a good match for someone who is responsible and conscientious.
He has a drinking problem, a spending problem, and is about to be unhoused. Surely you can do better.
Why are you even with him
Why are you with him? He’s a 31 year old alcoholic and his parents are done with his shit. He needs professional help not a relationship.
Do not let this hobosexual move in with you. 31 and still acting like a child?
I’m truly hoping you read this post, he’s being kicked out by his parents due to excessive drinking; if this isn’t a red flag to you then it should be. You’ve not been dating for three months, based on your post and question even you are doubtful about having him move in. He’s also 31 years old if he can’t figure it out to himself what makes you think it will be any different from you.
Do not let this man move in, even his parents don’t want him as a roommate. He probably wasn’t paying enough to pay half your rent. No way. He will guilt you into supporting his drunk a$$. Don’t even entertain this idea
You would be a dumb fool if you let him move in with you. He is a hobosexual. He’s 31 and being kicked out of his parents place for drinking too much. Isn’t that a red flag enough that moving in is not necessary for the two of you?
In fact, I don’t understand why you’re still with someone whose own parents think they’re an alcoholic and he’s being kicked out. This is only going to present problems for you in the long run.
I wonder why you’re coming to Reddit with this question when the answer should be obvious
He is 31 and living at home? Come on!
DO NOT LET HIM MOVE IN WITH YOU.
His own parents don’t want to live with him, don’t let this man move in with you. Help him look for a place… although as a 31 year old man he should be doing this himself. Don’t become his back up plan.
I suspect you might be a people pleaser which is why you would even consider such an idea. Please put yourself first. This is NOT the man for you. If he does move on, you will be unable to get rid of him!
This man is an incoming freight train absolutely covered with red flags.
Do yourself a favor and get off the tracks.
The season of the HOBOsexuals is among us. If you invite him in, you’ll never get him out, and he’ll leech off you and be even more selfish than he is now.
Girl- read your title one more time.
He’s in his 30s living with his parents- they’re kicking him out for drinking too much. Just let that sink in and then think about these other issues. You’re old enough to know “no scrubs”
Sounds like he’s a real winner /s
31 and getting kicked out of his parents home should be the red flag you need to know he’s not the one. Not much more to say.
DON’T let himmove in. He’s old enough to stand on his own two feet. If he refuses to take no for an answer, break up. He’s not listening to you.
His parents are kicking him out? Moving in with you shouldnt be an option or a consideration. Hard no! His only course of action is to give up drinking and get his shit together.
What does he spend money on???
Good grief do not let that man past your threshold anymore. He sounds like a jackass and you deserve way better! Trust me his mom that he lives with would know his drinking habits…run now before you get in any deeper.
– getting kicked out of his parents house
– drinking problem
– terrible with money
He needs your resources more than he needs your affection. If you want a 31 year old son, then move him on in. If you want the partner you deserve, cut your losses and find someone you deserve.
He’s hobosexual
The bar is hell. Let’s recap.
1. His parents are tossing him out at 31 FREAKING YEARS OLD because he has a drinking problem.
2. You haven’t been dating that long.
3. You fight about money and you aren’t even living together yet.
4. He has issues with spontaneous purchases and has no concept of how to live frugally. He also doesn’t tell himself NO.
5. You’re already stressed about making ends meet.
6. He complains about buying you even small purchases.
And you think this is your person??? Raise your standards op because he’s trash. You’re on the path to success working and going to school. He will absolutely derail that with foolishness.