Men What is one of those hard lessons you learned in life that you think other men might benefit from hearing so they don’t have to go through it?
December 9, 2025
what’s a tough life lesson you think other men should hear before they learn it the hard way?
30 comments
This one won’t be popular, but here it is: the world is not currently fair, and hard work is *not* rewarded.
You’re much better off building a good life and friendships than “grinding” in the hope that some rich asshole will reward your talents.
Life is cumulative. The dumb shit you do when you’re younger catches up with you as you get older. That includes health, finances, relationships
If your buddy has a kid or just tells you they want kids and then doesn’t get pregnant for a while, don’t pester him about it thinking it shows you’re “rooting” for him. He’ll tell you what’s up if it’s your business.
Pretty obvious in retrospect, but I was a thoughtless dipshit in my 20s.
Do the therapy now before you lock yourself into life with someone who represents those traumas. The healed you is not compatible with the person your traumas select.
Not seeking out help when you’re going through a tough time because “men are supposed to be tough” is a recipe for disaster. There’s nothing wrong with asking for help or guidance, mentorship, or even just advise from other men or professionals (therapist).
Instead of being angry at people for not meeting your expectations (or hopes), take the lessons, have some empathy/compassion for their failures, and find ways to fill your needs yourself.
A lesson is repeated until it’s learned.
Like at what age do you choose to overcome a trauma, or do you choose to die with it? Make a change
Cherish every single second you have with your children. It means more than anything.
You can’t fix them. Therapy might help them if they’re self aware, introspective and emotionally mature enough, but even then it can still be a coin toss. Their mental health isn’t their fault but it’s their responsibility.
1. The sooner you start throwing money into investments that can compound interest, the better it works
2. Never fuck with a winning streak
3. Never gamble more than you can afford to lose as an entertainment expense (don’t bet the rent payment)!
I’m going to see if I can’t work through this as I type it, because I don’t quite know how to word it, but I know it matters.
Everything in our society is trying to steal your attention. Video games, cell phones, reddit and other social media apps, just… everything. You’re a guy, so you may already be a bit more exposed to ADHD tendencies than women. All of these things team up and take you away. They take you away from relationships, from friendships, from yourself. They are all designed to get you to spend and interact with them, the more you do, the more they make.
Make sure that you’re working on getting outside, that you’re working out, and that you’re being present with those you care about. Put the cell phone away on date night. Tuck the games away to tuck your girlfriend in bed. Put the phone down and go for a walk in the woods.
I promise you, taking those things back will make you feel so much better. Don’t let your time and attention be stolen from you.
Don’t chase a relationship that isn’t working.
If you look at the relationship from a third party perspective and say “really? That’s the way it went?” Don’t chase it. It’s a waste of precious time to chase someone who is disinterested, a cheater, or simply on a different page entirely and you absolutely will regret that when you find something worthwhile later. Stop trying to fit square peg into round hole and keep some dignity for goodness sakes.
It doesn’t have to be storybook but you aren’t going to make a hoe into a housewife. While that’s super sour grapes and sounds misogynistic it’s the same on both genders I’m sure. Someone who is willing to forsake their primary relationship for a secondary one is not worth the primary relationship.
Also, invest as much money as you can afford and still eke out a living. You can’t afford to not think about what you’ll be able to afford later. Your older self with thank your younger self if you don’t have to work at 75 to survive. Don’t become a shut in, but stop spending every cent you make. Be a little uncomfortable if it means comfort later, but take care of your priorities and those that depend on you first.
Being an asshole or “just saying it how it is” is not a positive or productive trait. You can accomplish the same ends without pissing off everyone around you. Empathy is a good thing.
The secret to being a really good conversationalist? Be more interested in talking about the other person than in talking about you.
Don’t ever chase after anyone. If they’re meant to be in your life, they won’t be running away.
Your age comes quick. You’re 25 then you’re 40, and what you used to enjoy can hurt. You will regret not taking the chances you could while your body could handle it. And it only gets worse from there.
Take advantage of your 20s and 30s from a physical standpoint, because one day, the things you take for granted you can’t do anymore.
Don’t cosign a loan for anyone unless they are immediate family. I cosigned a car for a cousin and she immediately stopped paying me for it. I had to sell my own car plus a bunch of other stuff to afford the payments. I ended up owning this car in 2022 and she moved away. She ended up overdosing on fentanyl and passed away. It was a pretty awful situation all around. Be careful with who you trust when it comes to big financial decisions.
When I was in my 20’s I had a rule that I wouldn’t date a woman with kids, because I didn’t want to deal with the kid’s dad.
I got together with a woman who had a child, but the father had died, so no baby daddy drama, right?
Wrong. You’re not going to be able to compete with a ghost.
When fate brings you to the point that you legit realize you have the chance for cheating and your primate brain is saying go for it – go rub one out. Suddenly saying no will become a no brainer as your human brain takes back over.
Don’t carry the weight of the opinions of people that you don’t respect.
Love is not enough to sustain a relationship
It’s not a hard lesson that I had to experience, but really just needs to be a lesson that is reiterated as often as possible.
Men with podcasts are selling you things and are not experts at life/women/masculinity/etc. Do not take their words as any sort of wisdom or life guide.
Don’t expect you out of other people.
Be there for your friends.
It’s hard because men are generally not forthcoming when they’re struggling. They hide it, sometimes are even ashamed of it. And prying or pushing is not generally well received.
So just be the safe space. If someone tells you something on confidence, keep the confidence absolute. If a friend opens up even a little about their struggles, show him kindness and encouragement.
And if someone is genuinely going through some shit…losing a loved one, divorce, ailing parents, sick child…show the fuck up. That means more than ‘hey you good bro?’ It means randomly showing up with takeout for him and his family because they’re probably not eating. Show up on a Saturday and mow the grass. Offer to run errands, take kids to soccer practice. Give rides to the airport. Babysit and petsit. Any opening you see to help, step in.
My low point came during my divorce. I had to move with 36 hours notice and I was scrambling, alone, scared. One of my bros showed up at my house at 7am. With a fucking hand truck. Worked like a dog for eight hours. And when we were done HE bought ME pizza. That is showing up.
Be that friend for your bros, is what I’m trying to say. They won’t ask so you just have to do it.
Don’t ask questions you don’t actually want the answer to, or aren’t prepared to hear a bad answer.
For instance, don’t ask “Why did you break up with me” if you aren’t ready to hear some really negative stuff about you.
Take care of your teeth. Trust me, the effort to keep healthy teeth healthy pales in comparison to the cost and effort to replace unhealthy teeth. Poor dental health caused the greatest pain I’ve experienced in my entire life and took over a year to correct.
Learning the art of self-reflection. Being able to examine who you are in this moment vs the man you want to become and the steps you need to take to get there. And realizing that self-improvement is a life long commitment.
You don’t just wake up and become a completely different person one day. It takes work. Each day look back and think, how can I be just a little bit better version of myself tomorrow. And work on that everyday. One day you will look back and realize just how far you have come.
Divorce. I would just say really think it through. Can you fix the problems. I mean REALLY fix it. Have those terribly hard conversations even if you think it’s going to hurt her. Even if it’s maybe admitting something about yourself that you really don’t want to. Counselling helps, but only if you’re brutally honest about it.
I took the divorce route.
In hindsight I wish I had just taken a moment to breathe first. I don’t miss her, I just wish I hadn’t made the decision so impulsively.
I think of a house full of termites, water damage, and old peeling paint. Divorce is just bulldozing the damn thing with all the stuff inside of it. In this analogy I want you to do the full work first to figure out what it’s going to take to fix all these problems without bulldozing the house down, because once you rebuild, those problems might just come back.
To be clear, not all marriages are worth saving. I am just saying divorce should be taken with deep consideration for what you’re doing
Life is not fair, learn to let some shit go. Take care of your body early and often. Just because you can, doesn’t mean you should.
Nothing is more important for a man then choosing the right partner. Nothing.
Sometimes it *really is* other people that are the problem.
Society is obsessed with introspection, fake or real, and is in love with labeling everything as a “you problem.” Job sucks? *It’s your attitude, bro.* Relationship fell apart? *It takes two to tango, bro.* Don’t have the things your parents did at your age? *You gotta hustle and work on yourself, bro.*
The problem with this attitude is that there’s a nugget of truth to it. *Of course* we should try to learn from our experiences and change to make things better for ourselves.
Sometimes, however, things really do happen to out that are *not our fault.*
Your boss might actually be an idiot.
Your girlfriend/boyfriend might actually be a bitch/asshole.
Your country might actually be experiencing economic turmoil.
There comes a point where you’ve done enough for yourself, and it’s possible that you aren’t a part of the problem. Don’t waste your sanity believing that you’re always a part of the problem in some way.
30 comments
This one won’t be popular, but here it is: the world is not currently fair, and hard work is *not* rewarded.
You’re much better off building a good life and friendships than “grinding” in the hope that some rich asshole will reward your talents.
Life is cumulative. The dumb shit you do when you’re younger catches up with you as you get older. That includes health, finances, relationships
If your buddy has a kid or just tells you they want kids and then doesn’t get pregnant for a while, don’t pester him about it thinking it shows you’re “rooting” for him. He’ll tell you what’s up if it’s your business.
Pretty obvious in retrospect, but I was a thoughtless dipshit in my 20s.
Do the therapy now before you lock yourself into life with someone who represents those traumas. The healed you is not compatible with the person your traumas select.
Not seeking out help when you’re going through a tough time because “men are supposed to be tough” is a recipe for disaster. There’s nothing wrong with asking for help or guidance, mentorship, or even just advise from other men or professionals (therapist).
Instead of being angry at people for not meeting your expectations (or hopes), take the lessons, have some empathy/compassion for their failures, and find ways to fill your needs yourself.
A lesson is repeated until it’s learned.
Like at what age do you choose to overcome a trauma, or do you choose to die with it? Make a change
Cherish every single second you have with your children. It means more than anything.
You can’t fix them. Therapy might help them if they’re self aware, introspective and emotionally mature enough, but even then it can still be a coin toss. Their mental health isn’t their fault but it’s their responsibility.
1. The sooner you start throwing money into investments that can compound interest, the better it works
2. Never fuck with a winning streak
3. Never gamble more than you can afford to lose as an entertainment expense (don’t bet the rent payment)!
I’m going to see if I can’t work through this as I type it, because I don’t quite know how to word it, but I know it matters.
Everything in our society is trying to steal your attention. Video games, cell phones, reddit and other social media apps, just… everything. You’re a guy, so you may already be a bit more exposed to ADHD tendencies than women. All of these things team up and take you away. They take you away from relationships, from friendships, from yourself. They are all designed to get you to spend and interact with them, the more you do, the more they make.
Make sure that you’re working on getting outside, that you’re working out, and that you’re being present with those you care about. Put the cell phone away on date night. Tuck the games away to tuck your girlfriend in bed. Put the phone down and go for a walk in the woods.
I promise you, taking those things back will make you feel so much better. Don’t let your time and attention be stolen from you.
Don’t chase a relationship that isn’t working.
If you look at the relationship from a third party perspective and say “really? That’s the way it went?” Don’t chase it. It’s a waste of precious time to chase someone who is disinterested, a cheater, or simply on a different page entirely and you absolutely will regret that when you find something worthwhile later. Stop trying to fit square peg into round hole and keep some dignity for goodness sakes.
It doesn’t have to be storybook but you aren’t going to make a hoe into a housewife. While that’s super sour grapes and sounds misogynistic it’s the same on both genders I’m sure. Someone who is willing to forsake their primary relationship for a secondary one is not worth the primary relationship.
Also, invest as much money as you can afford and still eke out a living. You can’t afford to not think about what you’ll be able to afford later. Your older self with thank your younger self if you don’t have to work at 75 to survive. Don’t become a shut in, but stop spending every cent you make. Be a little uncomfortable if it means comfort later, but take care of your priorities and those that depend on you first.
Being an asshole or “just saying it how it is” is not a positive or productive trait. You can accomplish the same ends without pissing off everyone around you. Empathy is a good thing.
The secret to being a really good conversationalist? Be more interested in talking about the other person than in talking about you.
Don’t ever chase after anyone. If they’re meant to be in your life, they won’t be running away.
Your age comes quick. You’re 25 then you’re 40, and what you used to enjoy can hurt. You will regret not taking the chances you could while your body could handle it. And it only gets worse from there.
Take advantage of your 20s and 30s from a physical standpoint, because one day, the things you take for granted you can’t do anymore.
Don’t cosign a loan for anyone unless they are immediate family. I cosigned a car for a cousin and she immediately stopped paying me for it. I had to sell my own car plus a bunch of other stuff to afford the payments. I ended up owning this car in 2022 and she moved away. She ended up overdosing on fentanyl and passed away. It was a pretty awful situation all around. Be careful with who you trust when it comes to big financial decisions.
When I was in my 20’s I had a rule that I wouldn’t date a woman with kids, because I didn’t want to deal with the kid’s dad.
I got together with a woman who had a child, but the father had died, so no baby daddy drama, right?
Wrong. You’re not going to be able to compete with a ghost.
When fate brings you to the point that you legit realize you have the chance for cheating and your primate brain is saying go for it – go rub one out. Suddenly saying no will become a no brainer as your human brain takes back over.
Don’t carry the weight of the opinions of people that you don’t respect.
Love is not enough to sustain a relationship
It’s not a hard lesson that I had to experience, but really just needs to be a lesson that is reiterated as often as possible.
Men with podcasts are selling you things and are not experts at life/women/masculinity/etc. Do not take their words as any sort of wisdom or life guide.
Don’t expect you out of other people.
Be there for your friends.
It’s hard because men are generally not forthcoming when they’re struggling. They hide it, sometimes are even ashamed of it. And prying or pushing is not generally well received.
So just be the safe space. If someone tells you something on confidence, keep the confidence absolute. If a friend opens up even a little about their struggles, show him kindness and encouragement.
And if someone is genuinely going through some shit…losing a loved one, divorce, ailing parents, sick child…show the fuck up. That means more than ‘hey you good bro?’ It means randomly showing up with takeout for him and his family because they’re probably not eating. Show up on a Saturday and mow the grass. Offer to run errands, take kids to soccer practice. Give rides to the airport. Babysit and petsit. Any opening you see to help, step in.
My low point came during my divorce. I had to move with 36 hours notice and I was scrambling, alone, scared. One of my bros showed up at my house at 7am. With a fucking hand truck. Worked like a dog for eight hours. And when we were done HE bought ME pizza. That is showing up.
Be that friend for your bros, is what I’m trying to say. They won’t ask so you just have to do it.
Don’t ask questions you don’t actually want the answer to, or aren’t prepared to hear a bad answer.
For instance, don’t ask “Why did you break up with me” if you aren’t ready to hear some really negative stuff about you.
Take care of your teeth. Trust me, the effort to keep healthy teeth healthy pales in comparison to the cost and effort to replace unhealthy teeth. Poor dental health caused the greatest pain I’ve experienced in my entire life and took over a year to correct.
Learning the art of self-reflection. Being able to examine who you are in this moment vs the man you want to become and the steps you need to take to get there. And realizing that self-improvement is a life long commitment.
You don’t just wake up and become a completely different person one day. It takes work. Each day look back and think, how can I be just a little bit better version of myself tomorrow. And work on that everyday. One day you will look back and realize just how far you have come.
Divorce. I would just say really think it through. Can you fix the problems. I mean REALLY fix it. Have those terribly hard conversations even if you think it’s going to hurt her. Even if it’s maybe admitting something about yourself that you really don’t want to. Counselling helps, but only if you’re brutally honest about it.
I took the divorce route.
In hindsight I wish I had just taken a moment to breathe first. I don’t miss her, I just wish I hadn’t made the decision so impulsively.
I think of a house full of termites, water damage, and old peeling paint. Divorce is just bulldozing the damn thing with all the stuff inside of it. In this analogy I want you to do the full work first to figure out what it’s going to take to fix all these problems without bulldozing the house down, because once you rebuild, those problems might just come back.
To be clear, not all marriages are worth saving. I am just saying divorce should be taken with deep consideration for what you’re doing
Life is not fair, learn to let some shit go. Take care of your body early and often. Just because you can, doesn’t mean you should.
Nothing is more important for a man then choosing the right partner. Nothing.
Sometimes it *really is* other people that are the problem.
Society is obsessed with introspection, fake or real, and is in love with labeling everything as a “you problem.” Job sucks? *It’s your attitude, bro.* Relationship fell apart? *It takes two to tango, bro.* Don’t have the things your parents did at your age? *You gotta hustle and work on yourself, bro.*
The problem with this attitude is that there’s a nugget of truth to it. *Of course* we should try to learn from our experiences and change to make things better for ourselves.
Sometimes, however, things really do happen to out that are *not our fault.*
Your boss might actually be an idiot.
Your girlfriend/boyfriend might actually be a bitch/asshole.
Your country might actually be experiencing economic turmoil.
There comes a point where you’ve done enough for yourself, and it’s possible that you aren’t a part of the problem. Don’t waste your sanity believing that you’re always a part of the problem in some way.