Here I am in this sub AGAIN lmao. Im 27F and was dating a really lovely guy who was 28M. Everything was going amazing and I really truly saw it going somewhere since we were compatible in so many ways in terms of political views, what we want out of life, where we wanna live. We met on a dating app and I remember thinking he was a unicorn because all his information was exactly my type on paper.
Fast forward a few weeks and we finally slept together and he fucking ghosted me lol. I’m feeling so fucked up and defeated about it 🙁 any words of advice would help
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What are you wanting to hear?
No advice. He is a scumbag. It aint your fault.
It really sucks, but at least know that he can’t waste any more of your time and the trash took itself out.
How long have you guys been dating?
Why do you think he ghosted you? Was he bad at sex?
I don’t wanna be a prude, but stick to like 5 dates minimum before sleeping with someone
No fault of your own sis, some men will play the long game just to gain your trust because they know you’ll open up at that point. But not all are this way. Have faith the right one will come around and keep your head up! Won’t say anything like *wait longer next time* or *you should’ve discussed it more with him* because that doesn’t help. People can check off all the boxes and still fuck you over. But it won’t always be that way 🫶🏾
Keep your head up. The guy was a douche. It might suck but at least you dodged a bullet. Definitely not the unicorn you thought he was. He obviously got what he wanted. Suggest you block him and keep the search alive. You’ll find Mr. Right soon enough. 🫶🏻
Nothing is personal with ghosting. Fuck them, they showed you who they are sooner than later, in my opinion, it’s a win for you.
I’m a man. I have never and would never do that. Own the situation. It happened. It sucks. You did nothing wrong. Move on.
How long are you waiting before sleeping with these guys?
No judgement at all and there is nothing wrong with having sex early/casual sex. But the apps are FULL of men who are just looking to get laid. The only chance we have of weeding out most of them is to get to know them first. If you move to the physical stuff after only a few dates, you have to be at peace with the fact that he might not be the kind of guy you hoped or expected him to be because you just don’t know him.
It’s 100% NOT your fault and ghosting after intimacy is a terrible thing to do. It’s happened to me before and I was so hurt and upset. I started waiting much longer before sleeping with guys, and the ones who just wanted sex would always ghost me as soon as they realized they’d have to put in more effort than a few dates. I also didn’t sleep with men who were still keeping their options open. At first it seemed like it narrowed down my dating pool significantly, and it did – but it was narrower because all the unserious guys looking to get laid were self-selecting out and I was left with patient men who liked spending time with me and didn’t try to rush me.
Going a little away from the curve here, because you said you’re posting here again.
It is 100% true that this guy’s behaviour is on him not you.
Having said that, some advice I can give as someone who found myself in repeated situations with douchebags, is to get some therapy so you can understand what makes you inclined toward the type of men you are inclined toward. What makes them attractive? Because at the end of the day while you might match up to people on paper, you’ll still scroll their profile if you’re not attracted to them.
I found out I had some bad attachment types thanks to reflexive wiring I didn’t even realize I had. After a few years of working on it, my “type” has completely changed, and I tend to lean toward people who end up being more stable. Turns out I was picking up on energy without even realising, and now that my priorities shifted, the people I’m attracted to has as well.
Don’t think too much about it, it’s not like you did anything wrong and you probably couldn’t have done anything about it. You did what you felt was right and you saw something with him, which he didn’t.
Things happen, focus on what you can control; which is avoiding going through a similar thing again. Just learn from the experience.
Oof yeah I just straight up stopped having sex with men. That was literally the only way I found that I could avoid experiencing this.
That sucks but you have to remember it isn’t you plus who knows…maybe he got into a car accident and is currently in a coma.
That truly sucks. My heart aches for you, i just had a simila situation happen. Have you tried texting him again and asking why he is ghosting you? it might sound crazy to do but it doesnt hurt to ask
I guess he wasn’t the perfect guy, then.
There are many possible scenarios to explain this behavior. It’s possible he felt regret after and was too immature to communicate openly about it.
It’s possible he was playing you. Some people will pretend to have the same values to gain your trust.
I’m sorry this happened. Please know it is not a reflection of your worth but rather of his immaturity.
Either he’s just a player/fuck boy, or something about the sex scared him away…
Not your fault and the fact that he left immediately instead of keeping using you already saved you from alot of stress, don’t sleep with anyone before you know them for like 6 months – 1 year if not more
I’m on the same boat as you. Met what I thought was a perfect guy, everything aligned kept talking about the future, more plans a second date. He didn’t drop me off home till midnight. We kissed (mostly just kissing handsy) but I didn’t want to invite him in for that reason to do more than what I wanted on the first date. Now I’m ghosted and I hate this. I’m ready to throw the towel.
This happened to me a couple of times and it really fucks with you because it’s like you go on dates, they make you feel comfortable and there’s attraction so you think it should be okay, and then they ghost. In my experience it’s just that those guys love the game, they don’t mind spending money/time on you if you’re good company and sex is a possibility and they know in their minds they don’t want anything serious but of course they won’t tell you. Ive had two boyfriends in my whole life (33f) both of my previous relationships I slept with them on the first date and we got into a relationship right after. why? Because that’s what they were looking for. That’s all, it was nothing I did and me having sex with them without them having to “earn it” had nothing to do with wanting to commit to me. I had a friend with a similar story, she slept with who would become her husband on the first date, there’s many stories like that and I always had that mentality that if a guy was gonna ghost after I had sex with him, it wouldn’t matter how long I waited. I guess what I’m trying to say is don’t have sex with someone unless you’re ok with them ghosting after, might not be good advice but we can’t pretend that people are gonna be 100% honest out there, and then one day maybe he won’t ghost and he’ll go on to be your boyfriend 💗
Oh gosh I’m so sorry! I’d feel so bad too, but try not to get hung up on the situation. We usually can’t stop ourselves from asking why and look for blame in ourselves for the situation. Please don’t do that! He obviously is the problem here but you dodged a bullet! Who knows what else was hiding under that “unicorn” skin you saw.
The only advice i can give is to start looking for something different with your partners.
I personally found that dating through online apps as a man was painful in the sense that i was rarely “what someone was looking for” but always heard the opposite from women i knew but weren’t available 🤷♂️
I started having more luck when i shifted what i was looking for.
I don’t need someone super sexy, just generally cute or attractive. I personally find someone can become a lot more attractive when i get to know them so I’d give girls a shot even if she’s just kinda cute. It actually made a world of difference for me. Looks matter a bit but personality and character alignment matter more.
I remember hearing that people often end up looking for traits their parents have, often subconsciously… So when i say i looked for something different i mean that too.
that’s what your mother always warned you about