This is the place to put shower thoughts, your vents/rants about dating, requests for quick advice, serious (and sometimes not) questions and anything else that might not warrant a post of its own.
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I found him. Single my whole and I met a guy who is kind, emotionally available, attractive, soft with me. I really thought I would just be alone forever and that is my destiny.
We are building, slowly not rushing things but I’m feeling good. I met him irl, way better than the apps. I was on the apps for as long as they have existed and keep getting played
Mornin’ y’all! Loving someone that does not love you back is like hugging a cactus, the tighter you hold on, the more it’s going to hurt. Learn to let go. Love should be mutual.
Heartbroken. My body is dealing with the breakup really hard–my stomach is upset, and I cry at least once an hour. Glad I’m able to work from home today.
This breakup hurts more than others I’ve had because we both agreed it was going really well, and we feel so comfortable with each other. But he feels obligated to long-time family friend dynamics. So there was nothing wrong with our relationship–he even said people had noticed a difference in him (for the better) these past few weeks. So there’s nothing but good to grieve. He’s not a horrible person, and I can’t find anything (except the family friend) to fault him on. It was only six-ish weeks, but I was so excited to see where it was going to go.
Just looking for some opinions.
I’m friendly with a girl that I know through work, we’ve known each other a few years now, always gotten along well. We’re currently both single, and I have always wondered about a mutual attraction between us. We’ve met up a few times as friends outside of work this recently (we hadn’t done this previously), just for a coffee or a walk etc. She recently asked if I wanted to go to a Christmas market with her, just us. I actually had been planning to ask her to a Christmas light show thing near us, which I have now done and she’s accepted. To me this is quite date-y stuff, but because we were already friends I don’t think it’s quite that clear cut. Should I be looking to specifically clarify do you think? I genuinely like her as a friend regardless but would be interested in exploring if there’s any romantic potential, but I don’t want her to feel hurt that I’m only wanting to see her because of that if that makes sense, I’d still hang out either way.
For what it’s worth, the job that we both do, we don’t actually see each other at work now, although we do the same thing, so it’s not like we see each other all the time inside of work.
I am going on a 3rd date with this amazing woman on Saturday, we had to schedule a week out due to our work schedules. But, we both definitely wanted to see each other sooner if it was possible. We also both agreed how amazing our 2nd date was after a great 1st date. We have really connected on many things, have easy conversation and on the same page about almost everything we want in life. The chemistry is also clearly there for both of us!
Towards the end of the date this weekend I was thinking of saying “My interest and attraction to you makes me want to only focus on you and I plan on pausing my hinge account and deleting the app, how do you feel about that?” Emphasize being exclusive but not labeling or rushing any official relationship yet. Would I be foolish to say something like this just after a 3rd date?
I’m really struggling but the last time I posted about having a hard time dealing with my alopecia and dating, I got a lot of “just get over it and wear a wig” kind of responses. I’ve had a really hard time figuring out where to get support in my life, even in support groups people seem to not be able to relate to my experiences. at some point I want to shake people and say “no, don’t redirect me to a therapist or support group, I need YOU to care enough about me, take time to understand and talk to me and be willing to show up” but this seems to not really be possible and is more likely to push people away. family/friends redirect me to therapists, therapists redirect me to support groups, and support groups are typically groups of equally anxious people who don’t have any real answers. I just feel very alone.
Need somewhere to splurge, so here goes. 34/M/UK, in a relationship of a year and a half (might be slightly more). Moved in together in her house in the suburbs in July (that she owns, relevant to the story momentarily), with a fully remote role. Overall I’m the happiest I’ve been for a long time, in the healthiest relationship I’ve had for a long time. Extremely good chemistry, she’s empathetic, gets along well with my family and friends, is patient, and is generally a great woman overall. I was diagnosed with ADHD in July, and she’s very patient through my flaws and faults with it. We cuddle up in the evenings, playing video games together after we’ve cooked and I really do think ”this is it”.
However, there’s a component that I struggle with, and here I am. She’s got anxiety and IBS, and has previously had agoraphobia so intense a few years ago, that she didn’t leave the house for 2 years following some really traumatic stuff that happened in her life (it isn’t my place to share). She’s doing really well now, owns her property, drives a cool car, and is on track to be a well-paid CBT therapist at the end of next year after being a senior therapist previously.
She’s in therapy for some things, and despite it being tough at points, she’s glad that she’s taken it on. She has her good days and bad days. Sometimes she has to leave a supermarket when we’re together because she gets so overwhelmed, and if her anxiety spikes, then issues with her tummy come. This can go the other way around as well. It isn’t happening as much anymore, but there are points when we’ve had to leave the cinema, town, social events, art galleries etc because of an IBS/anxiety worry. We’ve never been on a train together as a result.
One thing that might be the root of this is high functioning autism, which would explain a lot (and we’ve discussed in detail), and she might be seeking a formal discussion with this in the near future. She picks up on details that not many people do, counts numbers in her head to self regulate, has sensory issues, is extremely methodical, has a lot of black and white thinking (e.g. being set in her ways and struggles to understand different approaches), and leans into repetitive safety behaviours with food, music, movies, TV shows etc.
We’ve had two staycations in the UK this year, in Bath and Leeds, along with a few days away in Amsterdam. All of which have been fun, and there haven’t been issues. I’ve been immensely proud of her, even if these are just bits on our doorstep.
However, I’ve always been one for travel. I’ve done Japan twice and would go back in a heartbeat, and would love to branch out to equally far corners of the earth whilst I’m still young and childless. My ADHD brain seeks novelty and adventure, and I was always the friend doing ‘cool’ things according to other friends.
My girlfriend has told me that in 2027, she wants to sell this house and get somewhere more ‘functional’, as we currently live quite far away from the city centre. She told me she’ll be doing it ‘with or without’ me. For whatever reason, I’m having this internal freak-out that I might be committing to a mortgage, the most serious financial commitment of my life, with a partner where the part of me that’s loved to travel may have to be put aside, or done with different people, because of their physical/mental health issues. I feel so terrible saying this, but these thing she struggles with are so much bigger than me, and despite supporting her as best as possible, I can’t ‘fix’ them (which my silly male monkey brain wants to do).
I’ve spoken to her about it a few times, expressing that I want to communicate it, and she’s often got upset saying that she’s working on it as best she can. In turn, I don’t bring it up, as my concerns then feel like I’m trying to guilt trip her or make her feel bad for things that she can’t help. This then becomes a lot of internalised noise, which my ADHD brain then fixates on and panics over.
I feel so guilty and horrible thinking any of this, let alone typing or sharing it, but they’re thoughts bubbling up which I just need to share somewhere.
**TLDR; healthy happy relationship, partner has issues with IBS/anxiety/potential high functioning autism, which in turn makes me conflicted and confused about shrinking aspects of myself down for the future.**
I still think about last year when my 10 year HS reunion was happening and a girl I figured had a thing for me texted me very angrily that I didn’t go. All I could say was “I didn’t get an invite.”
I’m pretty upfront with dates that my ex and I live in the same building. I actually chose to move there after I took her to look at apartments, because I liked the location and amenities (not because she lives there). I’m sure it can sound weird, we’re friendly and see each other maybe once a month, and we text sometimes. I never run into her at the apartments since she works a lot.
Is this something that would concern people? To me it doesn’t feel like an issue but I know some people can get a weird feeling about ex-related things.
Not something I bring up on a first date but it comes up eventually
Has anyone here ever dated someone of different religious beliefs/backgrounds?
Context: I grew up Baptist and in Church. But over the last ten years, I stepped away from the church but still believe in God and am actively trying to repair my faith. But on an individual level, I don’t really see myself rejoining a formal church structure. I go every now and then with friends for the sense of community.
I’ve never been opposed to dating someone who was agnostic. Since they seem more open to other ideas, but I wonder if this would actually work in the long run. I have a lot of questions and doubts I struggle with myself with my faith so I’m truly not hard core with it, but I wonder if I could successfully date someone whose views on this slightly varied from mine.
I think the respect factor is most important for me. That they respect my faith even if they don’t follow it themselves
I just broke things off with a guy I’d been seeing for a few weeks who I really liked. He was so into me, and I feel terrible. I hate disappointing him and hurting his feelings. It also has me feeling frustrated with this whole journey to find love.
I don’t have a ton of experience with dating intentionally. I’m used to meeting someone I like and just deciding to make it work with whatever I’m given. Now I’m looking at potential partners through a new lens. And as much as I liked this guy — he’s a sweetheart, he makes me laugh, and I can be my true weirdo self around him — I just couldn’t see our lives meshing long-term. There were things I noticed that made me realize I wouldn’t want to cohabitate, split responsibilities, or build a future together. And I couldn’t keep going knowing I wouldn’t be willing to move forward.
Now I feel exhausted and stressed after spending three weeks getting to know someone who’s genuinely great, just not my person. I’ve had some truly awful dating experiences before, but now I don’t even have the emotional energy for something that was positive and healthy but ultimately not a match. At this point, I’m ready to crawl back into my hole and stay single forever.
Ok, at this age that we are, I’d like to hear thoughts;
Would you rather be in a relationship lacking true intimacy, or connection at all, and you could easily be replaced and are constantly reminded, but great finances,
OR a deep and meaningful connection where you are considered irreplaceable, with little means but enough?
Speed dating event tomorrow. Expectations will remain low. Wish me luck fam.
This is almost certainly a “it depends” but what is the female hivemind opinion on short facial stubble? I get about 50:50 IRL on if it’s liked or if I looked better shaven but all women who I’ve kissed, minus my ex-wife, would have their face irritated from it even if they liked the look and to me I don’t understand why they’d accept that.
Visually I don’t care too much (I don’t have to look at myself) but it is the only “hairstyle” that I do get to play with so I do alternate every few months but would love opinions on that as well (via dm). Male grooming subs always want guys to have full beards and I hate having a beard.
I’m so frustrated right now. The first man in a while that messaged me full sentences – and I (after a few days) realized it was AI. I feel stupid, tricked, vulnerable, sad. Anyone else been there?
Anyways- what are the signs to look for? The m-dash, and repetition, and formal language… eventually I put it together. But the lawyer I dated a couple years ago also spoke like that 😅
Do I need to FaceTime with guys immediately? How do you protect yourself?