I'm not asking for medical advice, and I realize that the only person who really knows will be my husband
I'm simply hoping to get a variety of different perspectives to help inform my conversation with him
One of our marriage problems is that when I talk about things that are important to me, he tended to put out "I'm not interested" signals such as scratching his balls, digging his nose digging his ears looking at his watch looking at his phone
So I declared about six months or so I'm not gonna tell him anything about my life unless he asks me because I'm tired of feeling like I'm boring him or not important to him or that he's prioritizing the TV over my feelings
Well that's backfired on me because I've had a lot of medical appointments since then to address a lump that was found in my breast. And then my feelings got hurt because he hasn't asked about them when we review the calendar
We got into a tiff the other day and I told him it really hurts my feelings that he hasn't even asked about all these medical appointments I've been having, even though he sees it circled in red on the shared calendar and brings in the mail so he sees all these medical notices I'm getting
I thought he would respond "OK what's going on" but instead he walked away
I want to ask him point-blank why he doesn't seem to care about my medical concerns, but in the last 15 years i've learned if I just say "why don't you blah blah blah" his MO is to stay silent until I get tired of waiting for a response and then ask if he's done with the conversation
So I'm hoping you all can share me some perspectives as to why a man would not ask so when I talk to him I do so in a way that makes it safe for him to share his true feelings
(and I know that I might get my feelings hurt again – it may really truly be that he doesn't care but I'm hoping it's something else that I could internalize a little bit more easily)