In my early 30s and it feels like I’m struggling a lot. I feel like I’m having a mental breakdown in slow motion, bit by bit, day by day. Overall I’m very fortunate on paper but the past year has just been survival mode – so many deep life chapters have ended (left workplace of several years with great colleagues, therapist of 2+ years left, living situation changed).
These changes had been in motion for most of the year, and while perfectly normal life events, they were areas I found deep comfort in. In between this, there have been so many commitments (weddings, grand 30th birthdays). Other people’s needs put onto mine, my boundaries (or lack thereof) being tested, family staying with me for extended periods of time.
I’m 3 months into a new job that is kinda killing me to be honest. The culture is not me and I’m finding it hard to adjust to the work and the people. It’s much more micromanaging, 3 days in the office a week which isn’t bad, but it’s emotionally masking all day. I’m drained all the time and have no energy for anything but scrolling and gaming.
My living expenses doubled which I knowingly took on for the short-term, but the reality of that hasn’t been the best. One of my parents has also been staying with me for weeks at a time due to a divorce.
I’m becoming more and more miserable and angry as it feels like my life is so busy with things that fill up my time and energy all for things that actually actively detract from my happiness. I don’t even know if it’s people pleasing at this stage, it’s just having to even show up at all (the office, conversations, events) is killing me.