when i first started messaging people online, id never text first out of fear that they didn't want to talk to me or open the message that they might have sent something mean or uncomfortable that they wouldn't have said in real life.
now that ive been messaging for longer, i realise these people WANT to talk to me, or else they wouldn't be upset when i leave them on delivered for 1 week+ and wouldn't keep on messaging me even after i clearly seem so disintrested.
if i seem disintrested to myself, others definitely feel it, which is a huge issue since im anything but. infact im so concerned my fear right now is that if i consistently message them, they'll realise im less cool or intresting as they might have percieved me to be.
the irony is that by ignoring and pending messages, they start to pull away from me because they can feel me pulling away from them. and it doesnt feel good either, contrary to what they would believe. from the moment i recieve a message, i dread responding to it for so long that it makes me feel heavy and start catastrophizing all that could be in the message. next, i feel too exhausted in general to have a conversation that would be enjoyable to anyone. then, i feel motivated to get my life together and then i respond to everyone all at once. finally, i return to stage one as i start to feel overwhelmed once again.
tl;dr – how can i consistently become better at conversing online without seeming uninterested and pushing people away?