Long story short, I (f) met a guy online, we hit it off immediately over shared interests and backgrounds, and we met after a month of talking. The first two months were so much fun, we talked almost every day and there was some flirtiness as well. We talked about past relationships, our families, our hopes and dreams. Then after two months he started getting more busy with work to the point that he would take days to reply, if not weeks. Out of desperation I told him about my feelings, it's been a week and he hasn't replied. I know what I should be doing is meeting new people, getting over him, making new memories etc. However I'm just so worried that I'll never meet someone that understands me the way he does and that he's moving on to someone else. I have all these feelings that I can't justify because I was never his partner. I can't talk to my friends about just how much he meant to me because they'll tell me that it was just a crush and I should just get back on the dating apps and find someone else.
16 comments
Meet a better guy
Take time to process and be sad. It may have been brief but sometimes the brief ones are the ones that hit hard. You didn’t get a chance to actually have a relationship and see all the negative sides of the person (trust me they are there) or possible incompatibilities.
So, feel your feelings. Don’t date until you feel ready.
Focus on yourself, and when you’re ready go back to dating. You’ll meet someone better.
There’s a lot of people out there, the chances of meeting someone who understand you well are very high!
I learned the hard way that people are very cold, they act like they care but they don’t. I’m very sensitive and I always get attached to others, so I understand how you feel. He didn’t care enough for you to respond to your message, that’s how cold he is.
You already know what you need to do, you just have to accept it. Care less about other, get over him, you’ll find more people.
The brief ones hit the hardest because you never fully got to know them. You never dated them, you never really got too close to them to the point where they revealed their flaws or true colors. Did you meet him several times in person? Was he consistent?
Regardless whether it’s a yes or a no, the fact of him not responding anymore does not change. A man who likes you, even when busy, will find time to text you. A text takes seconds. As a girl, if I like a guy but I’m busy I’ll tell him in advance that things are hectic so I won’t be able to text too much that day. It’s a simple message that takes a couple seconds to send.
As for getting over him, I’ve been in your position. It takes time. You don’t necessarily need to move on to another man. Trust me, dating other people will just make you feel emptier. Take a break and work on yourself. Remember why you’re a prize. It’s his loss, never forget that.
Going through the same thing right now. Got a massive crush on someone and she knows it. Had to fly out of state for a week and she didn’t even take 30 seconds out of the over 86 thousand seconds we get in a day to think of me and send a have a nice trip message. I can’t even begin to describe how much this hurts my heart. Out of those 86 thousand seconds we get, I think of her just about every one of them.
Dont let anyone trivialise your feelings, your feelings are legit, and it is absolutely okay to grieve the loss of a potential relationship. It is also normal to feel big feelings for someone you met online and shared so much with. I know it feels like you will never find anyone else like him, but give it time, it will eventually be okay.
Ok but there must be a reason behind him distancing.
It’s only one part of the story we are hearing. Maybe he tried to push for a meeting as you normally should and you shrugged it off.
Whatever happened take it as an L and learn from it. There are people out there who you will connect eventually.
Keep your mind busy in the meantime
Cure for an obsession is another obsession.
Date them
I have the same experience every time I want to date someone. Just let them go, you’ll get plenty more.
If you met in real life, I would call that dating.
😂😂😂 wtf? Living a fantasy and now having issues 😂😂😂 thank you for making my day
Be like Elsa and let it go.
I actually learned from my therapist that in short but intense relationships (especially when most/all of it happens online) the human brain fills all unknown factors with fantasy. Only positive fantasies of course. Thats why these kind of relationships feel extra intense, it feels like ”this was THE ONE” while in reality you dont even know if everyday life with that person would have been as magical. In the end you only know that persons best side. You dont know how they truly react when theyre stressed, when things go wrong, when you have different opinions etc.
Its totally normal to grief and it does hurt. I wouldnt recommend to date someone else right now because its not fair to whoever you date and your brain goes right into comparison mode anyway.
That’s the reality of human relationships isn’t it? People coming and going. Even people that you really like and who really like you. It’s hard to prevent. Every time this happened to me I had to dust myself off and keep going. It is what it is.