Me and my friend had issues because when I was shifting to a new city, I got completely caught up in the process and ended up ghosting him for about 1.5 months. That hurt him deeply he felt ignored unimportant and like I’d replaced him with new people in my life. I apologized when I came back and for the past two weeks we actually started talking again trying to get things back to normal.
But today he messaged me saying that even after these two weeks he still feels the same that the friendship doesn’t feel like before that he still feels sidelined and thinks I value my ‘'new friends'’ more than him. I never intended to hurt him, I just needed space. He explained how I've completed changed as a person and how he's still attached to my past self who valued him and was his best friend. He’s choosing to step away because those feelings didn’t go away for him.
16 comments
I don’t understand. You said you didn’t give him any updates for 1 and 1/2 months, then you said you talk to him daily (present tense). Which is it? Please clarify
I’m pretty bad at all kinds of relationships, but here’s what comes to mind.
“Hey, I’m sorry for being unresponsive and busy. I understand why you feel unseen and unwanted. Those are awful feelings to have, especially from someone you care about– a friend. But I’m here now and I’d love to reaffirm our relationship. Relationships ebb and flow, this natural and even okay. But it is vital to communicate that to the other person: ‘hey, I’m going through ABC life event and need to shift focus for XYZ time.’ I’m sorry that wasn’t communicated to you. I know life has changed since we were last close, but I’d love to explore this new territory in our relationship. What do you think? Does that sound like something you want, too? And if so, do you have any thoughts on how to do that? Maybe short, weekly calls? Or meme exchanges? Monthly game or movie nights?”
I know that is a lot for some folks, but that’s what came to my mind.
How old are you both? In general, people do not “end” friendships, the general rule is that friendships fade out, not end, if one of the two is less interested in maintaining it. In general, that also leaves the option open to later reconnect.
Now, I would just have a chat with your friends and both talk about your feelings. If he really wants to stop, you can always say you regret it and keep the door open.
sounds like he’s feeling left out after your move. maybe give him a call instead of just texting to show you still care? sometimes distance makes people extra sensitive about where they stand with you.
I would say “lol ok bro we dont have to be friends, its not a big deal. Like wtf are u actually complaining about, I moved to new city we ain’t gonna be as close of friends, I moved. “
Two issues here. One, how he feels. Two, why you ghosted him, like maybe you really are more into your new friends. You can tell him you still really want the friendship, but your behavior said otherwise.
All you can do is apologize and tell him it will be different from now on, assuming it actually will be different. He may accept that or not. And he may also have other reasons for ending the friendship.
I can kind of understand how he feels. Let him cool down first then offer to get together for coffee to talk things out.
He can’t ignore you as easily in person as he can over text. Tell him sorry & that you missed him.
Just let him know that you do balue his friendship & that you still want to be friends with him.
Apologize for not contacting him. Tell him that you were overwhelmed with the move.
Ask him how he’s doing now. Maybe he might reconsider everything after that.
Maybe buy him a Christmas 🎄 gift 🎁 to let him know that he still matters to you.
I once had a friend who ignored me for over a year after she moved away with her b.f. Then she saw me online & she wanted to hang out again after they broke up.
I was mad & said that I wasn’t interested in hanging out with her anymore since she ignored me for so long. It only takes a minute to send a text.
She only wanted to gang out again because she had no one else to go out with after her b.f left her.
People change, relations end.
There is nothing you can do if you want to stay true to yourself.
It is his choice, if you don’t want it to end, make sure to leave the door open “I am sorry you feel this way, i wish you all the best! If you ever want to reconnect in the future, you have my number”
Then if he gets back to you in a year or two, it is up to you whether you still care enough about him to call him a friend again or simply a friend from the past you are not interested in sharing a life with.
If it is the first time you are experiencing something like this, well… It is most likely not the last time.
Before reading the comments I had a hunch, and after seeing your comments, my hunch was confirmed.
This isn’t really about friendship.
He was (likely still is) romantically into you. You found other people, and he’s hurt and jealous. It doesn’t matter whether those other people are romantic connections or not. Just trust me on this. It’s neither of your fault that this is happening. You’re not wrong and neither is he.
You need to let him go, though.
He’s not capable of just being your friend. You want a friend. He’s wrong but human if he tries to mislead you while secretly hoping. You’ll be in the wrong if you keep engaging with him knowing this – it’s stringing him along.
Let him go. You might be able to revive this friendship in the future if he finds a girlfriend and you both are in a different place. For now, if you want to be kind, treat this like a romantic breakup.
Sorry that you lost your friend.
Well Good-bye then
You ghosted him.
You needed space.
It doesnt sound like he ended the friendship it sounds like you did. You dont ghost people and completely ignore them. Thats a rude cowardly thing to do. Because I am assuming he texted you and you pretended he didnt exist?
So he sees you for who you are and now you are offended by it?
The only way forward is to apologize and to give him space. At least he has the decency to tell you how he feels and doesnt just ghost you or hide from you.
Idk maybe tell him to grow up. You’re not dating, and he’s whining about not being the main character in your life. This is some petty high school drama. My friends and I regularly don’t talk for weeks, that’s just adult life lol, we have shit going on. A month and a half isn’t even that long of a gap.
Edit: I seen your other comment about him having feelings for you, yeah run. This is just a dude who has a crush on you.
You respect his decision. If he’s unhappy, he’s unhappy. No point in trying to persuade him
” If that’s how you feel, I would understand if you wanted to talk less or stop talking. But I want you to know I enjoy our friendship and I’m always here, if or when you do want to talk.”
It takes two people to be friends. If he can’t adapt to a lower level of interaction now that you’re a long way away, that’s on him.
I’d say that I still consider him a friend, but logistics are a factor and we need to find a new normal. I think that means being more distant, but if for him that means no contact then I respect that, but the door is always open on my side if he reconsiders.
You shouldn’t have ghosted him though. Friends deserve better than that.
if i’ve learned anything it’s to never beg somebody to stay in your life if they don’t want to. it hurts like hell but it’s for the best.
Unrequited love