So, last week, I got officially diagnosed with Schizophrenia. They're currently working on putting me on an anti-psychotic, but healthcare deserts being healthcare deserts, its going to take a few weeks for it to arrive. I also, on top of this, struggle with Autism and Adhd.
Part of me honestly feels like I shouldn't date because I will just be torture for the person I'm trying to date. I can't read flirting, struggle with body cues, can be awkward with social cues (but that's gotten alot better at least). I often have to do physical and sometimes whisper audio stims to myself to calm down otherwise I start freaking out really bad. I'm extremely paranoid all the time. I struggle really hard with audio hallucinations, to the point I can't sleep often because of hearing people talking screaming but when I check no ones there. I come on way too strong often times. I have a resting b*tch face.
Its just alot of things at once. I've never been on a date before, came on too strong for a very long time and to just be blunt and objective, I'm overweight and unattractive (Its something I'm trying to change, I'm working out 6 days a week and eating as little as I can)
I just worry for the person involved to. Like that I'm going to be too much and that I'm going to be a drain/a bother. Its partially a reason I put off dating so long and soley looked for casual relatoinsihps (Which I didn't have any success in either lol). I don't know, its just alot at once and I worry that dating is just not something in the cards for me.