My parents have been married for almost 50 years, but for most of that time they’ve basically been separated. They’ve lived on opposite sides of the same house for at least 30 years. There’s no real communication between them anymore. Just a quiet, heavy distance.
But even with almost no relationship left, my dad still finds ways to put my mom down, just like he has her whole life.
A recent example really stuck with me. I posted a simple photo of my mom’s garden on Facebook. The only thing I did was slightly adjust the contrast to make the colors pop -nothing dramatic. At a luncheon with some of his old work colleagues, one of the women commented on how beautiful the garden looked. Instead of just letting my mom enjoy the compliment, he loudly announced to the whole table that the picture had been photoshopped and launched into this long rant about it.
My mom tried to subtly nudge him under the table, just to signal that he should drop the topic. And instead of taking the hint, he loudly asked her why she was “kicking” him, drawing everyone’s attention to her and embarrassing her on the spot. I’ve never seen her treat him like that. Not once! It’s a habit of his I’ve watched since childhood. That same quiet, cutting nastiness that always stuck with me
I know every marriage has its complications, but moments like that hit me hard. Watching him do this over and over again, even after decades of distance, makes me feel a mix of anger and sadness. He can be really cruel sometimes, and it’s exhausting to see my mom take it after all these years.