I am a 52M in a 33 year long relationship (unmarried) with a 55F.
One of the reasons (and there are a few) we are not married is because I am a perfectionist with some OCD traits. I ruminate a lot, re-examine past decisions (sometimes to see what I did wrong but also what I did right), take a long time to research and make decisions, and so on.
I spend a lot of time analyzing the relationship. The pluses and minuses, what single life would be like, what opportunities I missed, what I enjoy about being together with her, … it's a constant evaluation and re-evaluation.
It's not all bad. I mean, sometimes I think of all the great times we had and all of her good qualities but I think about the state of the relationship a lot. If you add it all up I must spend hours per day doing this – not consecutively, but it rushes in to fill empty space in my mind for a few minutes here and there when I am not actively engaged in something else.
I have a therapist and we have discussed this. She encouraged me to journal these thoughts to get them out. However, I keep cycling through them.
Do other people do this? I know in the beginning maybe people get infatuated but after 5, 10 years (let alone 30) are you still spending a lot of cycles analyzing the relationship, whether you still want to be in it, what it has to offer, and your own hopes and fears about it? I overanalyze everything so is this another case of that or do people take stock in their relationship regularly?