This is the place to put shower thoughts, your vents/rants about dating, requests for quick advice, serious (and sometimes not) questions and anything else that might not warrant a post of its own.

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14 comments

  1. Realization of the week: I’m getting my ass kicked by my own perfectionism.

    On the one hand, I’m avoiding lots of opportunities for connection — platonic or romantic — because I don’t feel like I have options that measure up to some imaginary ideal of what a good way of meeting people should be like. Bars are too this, singles nights are too that, yoga class is too this, dating apps are too that, etc etc. My perfectionist streak has a point: at this point I’ve tried just about everything and have a good idea of why every conceivable way to meet people is flawed, and if there were an ideal way to meet people we would all be doing it. My response to this has been to get bitter and stay inside. As though that works better!

    The same perfectionism gets turned inward, too: I don’t measure up to my own ideals of social skill, and so I don’t exercise what skill I do have. I don’t have the perfect dating app photo, I’m not the smoothest talker at bars, I don’t know in advance that it will go well if I talk the cute girl dancing next to me. Again, I have a point: I am painfully aware of the gap between my own social abilities and those of the really charismatic and confident people I know. So I get bitter and stay inside, or just don’t talk to people when I do go out. Not a very reasonable response!

    So maybe 2026 needs to be my year of imperfection. Anything I do, odds are it won’t help me achieve my goals. But the kind of person who is out there anyway, doing a bunch of things that don’t “work”, is the kind of person who eventually finds something that works.

  2. One thing I’m finding myself constantly thinking about is the balance between overthinking and being present.

    Presence is really beautiful and it allows for deep conversations, wonderful connections, and gaining a deeper understanding of the person you’re discovering. It can wade through the noise and really give you this untainted experience where two human beings can interact in a way that’s really beautiful.

    On the other hand, the overthinking/analysis can both get in the way, while it also just acts as a defensive mechanism. It’s checking to see if there’s an issue with compatibility. It’s checking to see if the boundaries are threatened to make sure that you can then bring that presence back and have those bigger conversations. The issue is, it’s a nag. It chirps so much throughout the day and it won’t back down at times.

    It’s like this ying and yang of dating. The lightness that comes with presence, and the darkness that comes with the analysis. It’s nice to be here, enjoying and contemplating a connection. It’s also just a constant back and forth and requires so much self-awareness and so much self-work.

    It’s just a change I’ve felt since I started dating again. I don’t think I did a good enough job earlier, but finding this balance and sort of working on myself and gaining a deeper understanding of myself and my needs is really beautiful work.

  3. Hello All! Have any people on here tried Thursday Dating? Saw an ad on Instagram recently. Had no idea it has been around for a while now.

    “The biggest IRL dating app in the world. Live in 75 cities and counting across the globe. Thursday events because 2025 is about meeting in real life.”

  4. So my coffee shop crush has a bunch of stickers on his laptop of various things. I’m a bit sarcastic in nature, so I’ve decided to buy a sticker of the meme where a dog is drinking coffee in a burning house and says, ” This is fine.” I’ll write my number on the back of it and give it to him. Even if he doesn’t text he gets a cool sticker out of it so win win lol

  5. I have a third date scheduled for Sunday morning. Unfortunately the guy has dropped all effort and doesn’t seem interested anymore (unmatched on hinge, now just sending 1 sentence answers, doesn’t really reply to the content of my texts, etc, but still asked me to make plans again) It’s weird because there was great chemistry on the second date a few days ago, but since then it’s been very dry. I’m giving it a shot so I can ask in-person, but I think this will be the end of getting to know him.

    I also have a singles event Saturday that my friend and I will go to. Hopefully that will at least be fun.

    I’m pretty sick of dating, honestly. I’ve been putting a lot of time into the apps since April, and it’s led nowhere. I’ve been to speed dating, volunteering, etc. It really feels like I’m just burning money and time to spin in circles. It’s definitely affecting my self-esteem and making me a little bitter about prospects.

  7. Had a third date last night. Felt amazing in the moment and I stayed out late with him. Woke up feeling unhappy, overtired and uncomfortable today. The amount of affection, attention, and supposed commitment he’s displaying don’t match my emotions yet, nor do I see how they could reflect his. Could I be wrong?

    He’s told me he and his most significant ex (of 7 years) were basically cohabiting from day 1. He said he always commits. I, by contrast, consider myself more avoidant and am feeling fine/chipper/relaxed when with him, and somewhat grossed out when alone and reflecting later.

    I was honest about this yesterday at the start of our date. He responded positively and was more reserved until I got comfortable again and he went in for a kiss (to which I responded). The rest of the date was fun and he reverted to showing too much affection again – at one point calling me his girlfriend and suggesting we are in the “honeymoon phase”. (I disagree but didn’t correct him)

    Is this manipulation?

    We had plans for a sleepover tomorrow but I voice messaged him earlier expressing my discomfort and saying I’d be down to hangout in town only.

    I’ve pulled back from partners at their early signs on interest before, but have never felt pressure to commit quite like this.

    Any advice would be appreciated.

  8. I am finally reaching a point where I am okay staying single. I was desperately looking for a relationship for the past 5/6 months (right after my separation/divorce). I recently noticed how my energy and time is all being consumed by trying to find someone, that I am not allowing myself to put effort and energy on the things that matter most, my own wellbeing, and building a social circle. I kept feeling exhausted and the rejection was taking a toll on me. So, I decided to stop seeking out dating, and live in the moment. I deleted all the apps. I would like to experience my next relationship by meeting someone in person and letting things play out irl.

  9. Got to start job searching and I don’t know quite where to start. My career has been all over between spending my 20s working in kitchens and the past 2-3 years in the corporate world doing sales/marketing for a manufactereuring company.

  10. Was out running errands after work yesterday, and ran into my ex. I was caught so off guard because I didn’t know he was in the city— I’d just gotten rid of the subconscious habit of scanning the sidewalks for his jacket, always reminding myself I won’t bump into him again.

    And then I did.

    We talked, and it’s remarkable how I can bring up the most serious things without fear. No shaking or heart wildly pounding. He’s been doing about as poorly as I have with the “breakup”.

    But here’s an about face: I’ve abandoned my dream of building a life with someone because I don’t believe this society will be here to do it. Very soon we’re going to be living in incredibly different lives, if at all, and it’s just going to be about survival. To get back into dating and take maybe years to find someone else I can tolerate being with feels absolutely pointless because there will be nothing left to build with.

  11. turns out i wasn’t ghosted, she wasn’t interested anymore. Thank god for mature people.

    On a side note… i’ve been thinking, perhaps because of my under socialization in my early years, im unable to create “attraction”. I’m quite easy to get along with, hold a conversation, but sometimes i wonder maybe im playing too safe or coming off as people pleasing or something

  12. I posted a few times here after “meh” dates about wanting an instant connection with someone and to meet someone I’m very excited about. 

    Well, it happened. And of course I forgot that this has its own set of problems lol.

  13. Healing anxious attachment style.. any advice? Talk therapy isn’t cutting it, maybe some sort of somatic therapy?

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