We have been married for 3 years, dated for 2.
I have C-PTSD, and I feel that my husband “steals” my feelings. He's usually very kind, but when I need emotional support, it becomes about him instead, and it happens in a way that I never realize until we're either arguing or discussing his feelings. For example, when I asked for help with my youtube addiction, meaning, an accountability partner, all of a sudden, we were arguing again about how he feels.
I just feel like I'm asking for a favor when I need emotional support or just help, and I have to explain myself so much every time, and remind him of key things about me and my life that we already talked about before, so that he will hopefully listen. I've been through so much in my life, and every more serious conversation always goes back to him and how he feels, and I just noticed this pattern.
Like when I lost my bracelet and wanted to go back, he didn't want to go look for it, until another guy offered in front of him. That made me realize how often I have to basically beg for him to do things.
He'll also stare at me and squint like he's trying to read my mind, and then he'll start saying "you think this, you think that about me…. right?" in an accusatory tone. He'll also sometimes roll his eyes and sigh loudly and I used to ignore it and continue talking, until I realized how hurtful it is.
I believe he is a good person and he's easy to get along with until a certain point, but this makes me feel like leaving, and I don't know what else to try. I am starting to blame myself more and more, to the point that not talking to him feels better than trying to have any kind of meaningful conversation. He's so often triggered by something, so often offended by how I say/phrase things, he nitpicks until I feel like throwing myself out of a glass window like in movies.
TL;DR: My husband deflects, feels offended, plays the victim when I'm asking for help and stares at me during arguments (that he started, when I was just trying to talk) as a way to try to figure me out and I don't know how to establish boundaries or communicate to encourage him to stop.