I moved into a flat in March with my roommate who’d already lived here a few years. We started as strangers, got on really well, and still do on the surface but recently I’ve just been getting increasingly irritated and avoiding her. I’m not sure if it’s normal roommate stuff.
The issues:
1. Mess + inconsiderate habits. The flat is spotless when she’s away, but when she’s here, plates/mess get left out for days. She also constantly uses the washing machine (like multiple loads a day) so it’s always occupied. She earns a bit more and happily blasts heating/ leaves lights on.
2. Slow with responsibilities. I handle household stuff quickly; she drags her feet or ignores things. Her recycling boxes + a tent have sat in the shared hallway for months even after the landlady said it’s a fire hazard. She is in charge of the bills and is always late with sending them over to me, I’ve had to pay 2 months worth of bills in 1 paycheck which was tough.
3. Lack of appreciation. I drive her to big shops but she buys too much for us to store each time. Once she got caught trying to shoplift and I had to wait while the staff rescanned everything. I also helped pick up her camping gear - she walked out of my car and left it in my boot and I ended up hauling it inside alone. Now she wants me to drive her to get a Christmas tree (I won’t even be here for Christmas + it won’t fit in my car).
4. New boyfriend. I’m happy for her, but now she’s always talking about him (to everyone) or texting him and not really present when we hang out.
5. She puts down my romantic interests. Whenever I’m into someone she suddenly criticises their looks, even if she previously said they were attractive.
I know she’s a kind and generous person overall, and my friends who met her like her. I recognise I’m only saying the bad things here. She has always been welcoming to my parents who come regularly, will share a lot of stuff w me, take an interest in my life and has given me great career advice. I also have to live here another year before I can afford my own place, so I need to figure out how to tolerate or resolve this. I don’t want to hold onto this weird resentment if it’s just normal roommate friction.
TL;DR: My roommate/friend’s messiness, inconsiderate habits, lack of appreciation, new-boyfriend obsession, and comments about people I date are making me resent her. She’s not a bad person overall, but I’m getting more irritated and distancing myself. Not sure if I’m being unfair or if/how to address it.