My husband has a lot of issues. He was in a weird codependent friendship for 13 years where he wasn't allowed to date, he's very awkward and emotionally immature, and he's addicted to pity. And I love him very much.
In our 4 year relationship, he lies constantly (most of the time it's pathological and "harmless," other times it's to cover up cheating). I forgive him and try to understand again and again because I can see he loves me. Unfortunately, he also loves pity and attention. If you show him sympathy, he will try to get more and more of it out of you.
Last year, he admitted to continuing to send + receive sexy photos from an ex, and I tossed him out of my house (I owned it before I knew him). He went on a family trip regardless 4 days later and apparently did so without any change of clothes. When he got there, he told them I had just kicked him out just before the trip because he got a text from an old ex, and painted the situation as though I were pretty harsh and unfair. Now he's there, a pitiful baby, without clothes.
No. He has lots of money, he had 4 days. He could buy a shirt. I didn't realize he hadn't. He stayed at the Fairmont the whole time for goodness' sake. And yes, I buy his clothes, but I am not the only mechanism by which to be clothed.
ANYWAY, we just had Thanksgiving with the family. His two brothers and their girlfriends have pretty much never asked me a question. Talking to them is like interviewing someone. They've never gotten to know me though I've tried hard to be a good big sis-in-law (making sure bday cards are sent and on time, etc.), and they've definitely heard of some of the tumult between my husband and me.
My husband got a text as we all parted ways last week. The youngest brother (30M)'s longtime girlfriend said that she is very troubled by me, and I remind her of abusive people she has known, and that my husband should move on.
What the
I credit him for telling me about the message. I was like Where is this coming from? and he said he doesn't know – but then said it's probably because he showed up without clothes last time they met up and they had to take him shopping. I asked if he accurately described the situation – the inappropriate texts with the ex, the fact that he had days in a hotel – he said he thinks so. I'm not really buying that. But he says this is likely where the little brother's girlfriend is getting this bizarre take from. We also know that this girlfriend has shared her view with the rest of my husband's family.
I know we can't control what others think or say, but I don't know what to do or expect.