Apologies for the long post, just kinda needed an outlet to vent. For context. My girlfriend 25F and I 25M have been dating for 7 years. We began dating during our junior year of high school. We were pretty much each others first everything. We graduated HS together, went to the same university, graduated that together. We’ve been on many trips/vacations together that all felt magical. We’re both currently employed in our career fields full time now.
We never lived together, we’re both still living with our parents. We were saving up for more fun trips and looking to move out together in 2026, but we’re together 24/7. We have done everything together for the past 7 years. We text all day everyday, nonstop. Once we’re both out of work, I pick her up from her parent’s house and we grab some food, hang out, and watch movies or something. We still go out on dates. I always buy her flowers, open doors for her, compliment her, I do everything a boyfriend should do. I take her out to nice dinners. We go out to bars and clubs about twice a month. We plan bowling/arcade dates. We’re always going to the movies. I’m always trying my best to make sure she feels cared for and valued. This past year though, things feel different.
We started being a lot less intimate. We were never intimate more than 1-2 times a week, but lately it’s been more like 1-2 times every 3 months. I would always try to initiate, but would frequently get shut down. At first, I figured it was her birth control spiking her libido. She started taking depo provera in October 2024 and just got off of it in November 2025. She told me she just rarely ever in the mood now due to the shot. Recently though, we had a deep conversation that makes me feel like it’s more than just the birth control.
She opened up to me and told me that she doesn’t feel a romantic spark in our relationship anymore. She doesn’t get excited to see me, text me, or call me. She doesn’t get butterflies when I flirt with her or kiss her. She sees me more as a really amazing friend or a roommate and not a boyfriend. This caught me completely by surprise, but I should’ve seen it coming. In our discussion, she mentioned that she’s still attracted to me, but certain things I do or say throw her off. I’ve always been an emotional guy. I’ve never been this big macho man. I tend to get pretty sensitive. I always shower her with affection, I cry at movies and songs, that sort of stuff. She said sometimes she feels like she has to be the rock or our relationship cause she can manage her emotions better. Sometimes she feels like I can’t properly protect her. Another thing about me is that I’m always cracking jokes. I’m always trying to make light of everything, which I know is a bad thing. She feels like she can never hold a deep, serious conversation with me, cause I’ll always make a joke out of it.
The conversation we had made me do a lot of self reflecting. I realized that since our relationship began in high school, we kind of stayed in that high school relationship mentality. We never matured out of it. We don’t hang out with our own friends, we don’t take any time to ourselves to explore hobbies/interests, we don’t do anything without each other. We’re tied to the hip. We even text like high schoolers sometimes. This has caused us to really lose touch with ourselves. We’re no longer individuals in a relationship, we’re now just one unit.
This has caused some resentment from her end. Our personalities are different. She enjoys taking risks and living in the moment, while I’m more reserved and like to stay comfortable. She’s a wild soul and I’m really not. She likes going out and partying, and I do too, I take her every time she wants to go out, but I’d be lying if I said I liked it as much as she does. I overthink everything, and I feel the need to plan out everything so that it’s perfect, while she prefers to just go with it. She feels like I have pretty much nerfed her and turned her into someone she’s not.
We’re currently not texting each other, and we don’t plan on seeing each other for a couple days, just to get a sense of individuality again. She says that she really enjoys this time to herself. She doesn’t miss me, she doesn’t constantly think about me or what I’m doing or where I’m at. If we took this break a year ago, she’d be freaking out worrying about me, wanting to text me and see me. Now when she does see me, she feels a sense of dread, of sadness. We always talked about getting married and starting a family together. I planned on proposing in the next year or two. She’s the girl of my dreams and I was the guy of her dreams. We said we’ll see what things are like after Christmas before making a decision on our relationship.
Ive entered this into ChatGPT (I know AI sucks but I’m desperate) and it gave me a bunch of recommendations on how to act and what to do. It’s all basic stuff like get your sense of individuality back, find hobbies, figure out who you are, etc. I plan on doing all of that, and I truly believe that we can both do that. That we can both find ourselves while still remaining in a relationship. But I’m not sure if she feels the same way. It feels like I’m just waiting for that dreadful text or call, telling me it’s over.
What can I do to mend this relationship? I can’t imagine myself with anyone else. Shes my best friend, my girlfriend, my everything. She’s been my whole world for so long, and I know that’s part of the problem. Thanks for reading.
TLDR: Due to a number of issues such as a huge codependency, loss of individuality, and clash of personalities, my girlfriend and I feel more like roommates or friends instead of boyfriend and girlfriend. Can we grow as individuals, regain our spark and remain a couple? Or are we better off breaking up.