I (34F) have been married to my husband (38M) for 10 years and I don’t feel like being married anymore. We have 3 kids, the oldest is my stepchild and his first kid who is now a teenager. The 2 youngest are 3 and 9. We were young and had fun in the beginning until a few life changes.
My stepchild who came to live with us had visible behavioral problems to both my family and his. I would ask if either he or her biological mom got her an evaluation to find the root of the problem but he would get offended and say she’s fine and he doesn’t want her labeled. My mother around the same time passed away suddenly. He also began working long hours. I was stressed and did not take a break to keep my mind off of losing my mom and continued working full time in the medical field while making sure my stepdaughter was taking care of. I began getting calls from the school regarding my stepchild’s behavior and had to visit the school a few times regarding the fights and slew of curse words my stepchild will use at school. My husband would yell and threaten to send my stepchild back to live with her mom as punishment and she would cry that she rather stay with him. She would change for a week and resort back to the same behavior unprovoked.
I reached out to her mom to get a better understanding after not getting much clarity from my husband and was told she (my stepchild’s mom) could not handle her behavior which is why she did not mind sending her to live with her dad so she completely understand what’s happening and appreciate all I am doing for her. She and my husbands relationship ended when my stepchild was around 1 years old. She lived with her mom mostly until around 6 years when she decided it was best my husband take full custody of her which he did. This was around the time him and I started dating but did not live together at the time. Fast forward to us now living together, married and 3 kids total life started taking a toll on me and signs of infidelity began. I was also contacted by a woman who explained she was with my husband for some time and she was even able to tell me a few things about my life that she had no business knowing to prove to to me that she was not lying. Things have gone bad in their affair and she felt the need to now warn me.
I brought this up to my husband who denied the whole thing and even resorted to giving me the silent treatment for believing what I knew was true. I eventually moved out one day while he was at work with my kids and stayed by my father. My father eventually convinced me to work things out with my husband who by then seemed remorseful. I asked if he would attend family counseling and he agreed. I ended up moving back in with my husband. I was still unsure about my decision but also felt bad for the kids caught in the mix. After moving back months later I began to receive anonymous harassing phone calls and texts causing me to have to change my phone number. The harassment continued through fake social media accounts for over 2 years. This ordeal lead me to seek counseling as I became emotionally drained with not much support. It also dawned on me that my husband and I did not do the family counseling as we agreed to do and he now doesn’t think it’s necessary since we have “worked things out”. He has been showing signs again of infidelity staying at work late and hanging out after work with unknown coworkers. Whenever I bring up certain concerns it leads to an argument that I’m bringing things up from the past despite the fact I have been getting harassed anonymously since. or I get the silent treatment until he feels I forgot and starts talking to me again days later as if nothing happened while he would plan trips for us and we would go out for dinner.
I have reached a point where I don’t feel a connection anymore and have became so unhappy throughout the years. My stepchild is also much older now and is pretty much an adult and is not showing much signs of changing. She’s finished with school, not working and sadly does not know how to function well in society because my husband turned down every attempt of me trying to get her outside help throughout the years due to fear of her being “labeled”. I just want to know if anyone has ever had a similar experience with children including stepkids involved and how you went about separating. When kids are involved we tend to think twice but when the marriage is affecting me mentally and physically I sadly feel it may be time to walk away I’m just a bit fearful as to how with kids and not much family support and one clearly in need of additional help. Although I don’t have the solid proof of cheating the signs are there and my husband is going to continue to deny unless he’s physically caught in the act. It’s just a difficult situation.