I met my boyfriend (let’s call him Cole) on Bumble about four months ago, and I’ve been dealing with a lot of mixed emotions that I can’t quite put my finger on.
Cole is smart, kind, and a huge dork at times, I find it very cute. But it also feels like he holds a lot back. I only ever see the positive parts of his life, and he smiles and laughs through everything. He comes from money, and he’s comfortable enough to have saved up quite a bit to keep him comfortable for the next few months. He’s been working part-time for the past two years, and he quit his last job right before we met. He says he doesn’t want to get back into the workforce until something 'good' comes along.
He would like to have jobs but would not like to work towards getting them since the market is currently terrible. He’s very anti-hustle and thinks work shouldn’t become your whole personality. Which, fair. If I had the time and money, I’d probably dive into passion projects too. But while he’s constantly telling me I should do whatever I want and that he supports me 100%, I don’t see that same passion or drive in him. It’s like he wants a life but doesn’t actually want to build one. And we're older, not even in our early twenties, so this sometimes makes zero sense to me.
He loves doing all the couply things, and that’s great, but the second we get into serious conversations like moving in, jobs, marriage, kids, anything that requires actual adult thought, he basically dissociates and checks out. I’m all about overcommunication, and he just wants to get away, vanish almost.
I keep wondering if I’m doing something wrong. We’re old enough to talk about this stuff. I don’t feel like I’m being immature here, but he definitely seems immature when it comes to anything serious. I’ve talked to my friends and they all think these are glarin red flags. And maybe they are. But I also feel like he’s been let down a lot in his life, and I don’t want to be yet another person who walks away.
At the same time, I’m not doing this out of pity. My life is on the line here too. I do want to give Cole a real chance and I know in my heart that I could help him. I just don’t want to turn into his therapist in the process.