My spouse and I have been married 2.5 years. I make a high income, she doesn't make quite as much. When we got together, we agreed to split shared expenses based on income(I as the higher earner pay more proportionally, she contributes less) and split chores 50/50 — I handle trash and cooking, she handles dishes and laundry, otherwise
Over time she stopped paying her share of the bills completely, even before her job situation changed. She left her finance job to work independently, but barely any clients followed her, she hasn’t really tried to get new ones, and she’s applied to maybe 6 jobs total in the last year. She now makes very little money.
I asked her to take on more household chores since I’m the only one paying for everything, but the house is usually a mess. I’ve never had issues keeping things clean-ish for myself, she’s just naturally messier as a person. Recently she’s cooked a bit more. Anytime I bring up chores or responsibilities she gets defensive and says I don’t notice the “little things” she does. I know that she does make an effort with certain things like getting some gifts for me here and there and does try to be thoughtful sometimes. She's incredibly supportive verbally as well.
We’ve already tried marital counseling, but that didn't seem to go anywhere. I’ve been trying to be patient- I tried just getting her to agree to just one goal to focus on and to accomplish in hopes of it inspiring/motivating her(in this case it ended up being fitness and losing weight/getting healthier), but it doesn't seem to be working out. Anytime I try to bring any issues up, she lashes out, makes seemingly endless excuses. She states that she feels like a failure sometimes. I love her and want to help her, but I just don't know what I can do.