I honestly don’t know where to start. My partner and I have been married over a decade and have two kids.
- He misuses prescription medications- SSRI, ADHD, Benzos, etc. so basically never sleeps or eats because he has no appetite and is taking stimulants late
- Gives me the “ick” with hygiene etc
- constantly masterbating like every opportunity, daily to porn
- lies about everything from huge things to tiny things that don’t matter
- will buy and hide things like women’s lingerie
- dresses up in women’s lingerie in secret/lies about it
- today I left the house and he was supposed to be working (wfh) and I came home because I forgot something & caught him wearing water balloons as breasts and hiding in the pantry naked…?! I don’t even understand anymore
- it has been years of deceit
+swears he is straight and doesn’t want to be a woman
He is a good dad but I just can’t live this way. When I wake up, he is rarely in bed. He does nothing to pursue me except say he wants to. I have literally no interest in him or whatever he is doing anymore. I don’t think his jokes are funny, he is extremely avoidant so we spend no time together. Sometimes he is very remorseful saying it will never happen again and pursuing counselors and sometimes he is hateful acting like this is all normal and it’s my fault for not sleeping with him anymore.
He acts like this great stand up guy to all his friends. It’s disgusting to me how fake he is.
I stay at home with our kids right now. I just don’t even know where to start. I feel like if I take all the logistics out of it, I would leave. It’s just so much to consider— finances, our kids, our home, the future I thought we had together, my own mental health, happiness.
Any advice? I am shocked and just so confused.
Edit to say: he has seen counselors and we have been to couples therapy but they essentially like overly coddle him making extra sure they don’t “shame him” or tell us he needs help and he needs to pursue his own resources because there isn’t anything they can really do for me beyond teaching me “coping” strategies. I’m not interesting in coping for years more. He has an appointment with a hopeful psychiatrist but first slot wasn’t until end of February. He acts like he is interested in getting help but really doesn’t actually pursue things until there is a huge blow up where I catch him doing something shocking (like today).
Where do I start?