My sister (56F), left her marriage several months ago after it was exposed that she had been living a double life for the last 12 years.
Apparently, during a troubled time in their marriage, she and my BIL (58M) separated temporarily. My youngest niece and nephew where still only 10 and 8 at this point. It seems she met someone else during this time.
A Divorce never happened, and my BIL moved back in, and all seemed well…except my sister suddenly got a job that required her to go two hours away Eastward to work most of the week.
She only came home weekends. Holidays where never celebrated on the actual days. We always had to reschedule them around her "work" schedule.
During this time, my Mom and I spent a lot of time with my 3 nephews and 1 niece. Taking and picking up from school. Going to games, and band performances.
When my oldest Nephew graduated HS, I agreed to skip the ceremony to watch the younger two. We had a great time!
I also housesat and petsat for my sister on numerous occasions. I was never payed, and was never thanked.
Fast forward to this year.
One night, near my mom's birthday, my oldest nephew and his wife came over with their first baby (1M). He's my Parents first Great-Grandchild. It was strange.
My Niece came over as well, and didn't even greet any of us, just went straight back to where nephew's wife was in the dining room, and sat their whispering to each other.
My Mom was understandably upset by this. We had all always been close. So to have her granddaughter ignore her was a shock.
They didn't stay long. After they all left, my sister shows up. She asks me to leave the room, as if it's not my house, and I am not family. I was upset, as I was often upset by her, but that's a whole other story.
I heard the raised voices, and after she left was told the marriage was over. She has found someone else. What was a shock was that she had been living with the side dude for 12 years, two hours away in a SOUTHERN direction. She never had that "job", and had actually created a business on the side dude's farm. She had friends down there. She even changed her name. It was like she created a whole new life.
It was discovered because she and her DIL where connected on several media sites, and my sister wasn't very careful about concealing certain things on them. Her DIL confronted her, and she admitted it.
My BIL was understandably devastated. I know the hurt he feels. I wanted to support him and my nephews and niece.
Unfortunately, my Mom lost her head a bit. During a talk with my niece, my Mom made some not so nice comments about my nephews wife. I don't think my Mom really understood, or still understands, what exactly happened to bring this all to light.
Why she blamed DIL I don't know. Just that DIL was the one that brought it to light. Please understand that DIL has always been a bit standoffish with us. We never really understood. As a close family, it felt strange to us.
What she said is not important here. What matters is that my niece became so upset that she told my nephew and wife about it. It all blew up from there. My oldest Nephew, who had always been my Mom's favorite, wrote her the most heartbreaking and utterly vile text, basically cutting her out of his and their great- grandchild's life. By extension, also me and my Father, even though we have never said or done anything.
I tried to talk to my nephew, beg him to talk, but he said something about my mother I can not repeat. I never told her, because I do not want to break her heart further.
To add to the total destruction, my now former BIL also wrote her a text telling her he was pulling back from us, not because he blamed us for anything, but because he wanted to get his head on straight. I'm trying to understand, but I've known him since I was 14 years old. My parents treated him like a son. My Dad adored him. We wanted to support him through this.
The relationship between my Mom and niece hasn't been the same. My youngest nephew moved out to avoid all the drama and doesn't really talk to anyone. The only one who does is my middle nephew, who still lives with BIL. He's been a rock, but I hate that so much has to be placed on him. He says it's all okay, but I know it's not.
Just two weeks ago was my father's birthday. I texted my nephews, niece,and BIL to remind them, and to ask them to please call him. The only one who responded was my niece.
She came over to see him, but I can't help but feel she wouldn't have if I hadn't of reminded her.
It was radio silence from the rest of them. That was the thing that had hurt me most.
I now have so much hurt and resentment growing in me. For my sister, for my BIL and his children, minus my middle nephew. Especially my oldest nephew. I don't think our relationship can ever recover.
I'm trying. I have texted my BIL a few times to try to get him to talk. I need for him to understand how I feel, because it seems I have been written off as unimportant.
I do not talk to my sister. Our relationship was never good. My Mom does, but that is her daughter. She's not going to abandon her. That is not to say she's on her side. She understands what my sister has done. The lying and deception. My Mom says when she does talk to my sister that she doesn't know what to believe about anything she says.
My Mom is very sick, and disabled. Both my parents are elderly, and practically immobile. I am their main caretaker. I do most of everything for them.
I don't know. Maybe it's because my Mom maintains contact with my sister. But a parent should never cut off their child.
I, on the other hand, do not have any contact, yet I still seem to be on the outside. What have I done? I don't understand. I never wanted this.
I wouldn't care, wouldn't be this upset, if I didn't love them all so damned much.
It hurts. I don't think they knew that. That we have been as hurt by what my sister has done as they where. Perhaps not in the same way, but it seems they feel it is okay to hurt us, because she hurt them.
Does any of this make any sense?