Me (30M) and my wife (30F) got married earlier this year and it’s been a very loving but also fraught relationship since we met each other 3 years ago. We are both autistic and I strongly suspect we are both ADHD too. There’s no doubt we love each other but as anyone whose AuDHD knows the highs and lows can be enormous and for me it’s brought as much stress and anxiety as it has warmth and love.
My wife’s chief passion in life is to be a mother. I confess that for most of my life I’ve never wanted to be a parent and it’s been a key source of strain on us over the years. More recently I’ve come around to the idea of being a father but only after me and my wife sort our lives out so to speak (financially, emotionally, mentally). Recently however my wife has been trying to make me see how trying for a baby now is the smarter decision rather than waiting until we’re in a better place.
I understand that A) my wife only has so much time to have children and I as the husband am privileged in being able to wait, and B) it’s impossible to make everything absolutely perfect before trying for a baby. Having said that, am I letting anxiety and fear get the better of me? Am I being cruel to my wife by delaying her chance to have children? I feel so guilty and have so much self-doubt about what the right thing to do is.