F(26) married to M(42) for about 7 years in February of next year.
I feel suffocated. I don’t find my husband attractive anymore and I don’t particularly like him as a person. We married after only dating for a few months and I came from a strict religious family so I felt that I was doing the right thing by marrying him and I could change him into a great husband.
He has always been controlling and dominating but I was so conditioned into just following him that I never questioned him. My first miscarriage he wouldn’t come to hospital but pressured me to go back work immediately. He told me to drop out of school to work and help him pay bills and I did all this.
Around year 2 we had a baby and he was very distance and treated me like shit. (side note: he has 3 kids from previous relationships)
It was around this time I was maybe 21/22 when I noticed that this marriage wasn’t good. I finally started talking up for myself and he would change for a moment and then everything would reset.
He has dictated who I talk to what I wear and where I go. I became pregnant again in 2023 and I told him then that if he treated me the same way I’d leave him. He still wasn’t much help but I did notice an effort. I got back into school and told him I’m not dropping out.
Now I’m 26 and I’m realizing that I don’t like the person he’s made me into. I love him but I don’t like him. I don’t like the way he parents the kids and I just want out. There’s more that has happened and things I can never forgive him for.
This is really a long rant but I’ve told him that I regret marrying you without getting to know you and I don’t like you as a person. I apologized for the expectations I had but I made it clear that I was done. I thought that would shake him and maybe we finally talk about separating but it’s like I never said anything? Do I have to literally say I want a divorce? Am I overreacting?
I just need to live a life without him over my shoulder all the time just disapproving.
TLDR; I married a guy as a teenager and now that my frontal lobe is developed I can’t stand him. We had the serious talk but nothing happened.
ps burner account