For more context: i was never the one that set the boundary no porn. That's all up on him. I respected it until he basically couldn't commit to his own boundary which led into this. Also I never okayed for him to do it while I was pregnant, he just told me one day and I just gave up trying to please him and told him it was going to be that one time. Lastly the phones stuff we both agreed to access each other phones whenever its mutual.
Recently, we have been taking shifts with our infant when she wakes up at night. I woke up to our dogs crying in their kennels, which meant they peed themselves. Well, our infant woke up at the same time, so I woke him up so he could take care of her, and I could attend to the dogs' mess. When I got back to the bed, he was still feeding her, and I saw his phone within arm's reach. Something told me to check his phone (he was half asleep, so he didn't realize I took it.) FYI, he lets me see his phone when I ask, and I can even take it from him when I want, but I just decide not to. I only do it when he's not looking or sleeping, so I can catch him by surprise and see what he actually has.
To my surprise, I found something. First, let's talk about the photos. I visited his photo gallery and saw screenshots of two or three different types of women. They were screenshots from Facebook reels, I believe. We had an argument once, not about this, but for the infinite number of group messages of those spam sex chats. Before, he would say, "Oh, idk, they just add a ton of guys." I know it runs off of an algorithm; I just couldn't prove it back then. Now, with the screenshot, I can easily prove that he's just looking for other females to jerk off to.
Secondly, I found pornsites on his search history. One is from pornhub, but not a specific niche, more like a login and upload page. I tried to see if I could get in through his phone, but no luck, so I have no idea wtf he has or if he uses it to just look at porn. We live in Texas, so pornhub is banned, but he has a vpn so he can easily bypass it by switching it to a state that isn't banned. The second site is called redgifts.com. From what I've seen, it's like a TikTok-like porn site. I already know he's going to deny it by saying, "Oh, I guess I accidentally pressed a link and redirected me to that." I would have let it go, but one, it has his favorite niche, and two, he searched it on two different days this month. So his saying that would be useless for his defense.
I took pictures on my phone of the so-called evidence on my phone for backup and sent it to him, captioning " next time hide your shit and don't come looking for me for your needs."
Now I'm just waiting for him to wake up, read the message, and see how he answers.
I'm 11 postpartum, but we’ve been sexually active around the 7-week mark. I would have understood he saw his porn during the weeks I couldn't "help him out," but it wasn't so. Now I feel disgusted with myself for not being able to fulfill his needs, but also feel disgust towards him since we were literally having sex that time, and he'll just watch porn on the side. I'm already having self-image issues, and he would reassure me that I'm beautiful, this and that, but now I'm like that's a dam lie if he screenshots photos of other women to jerk off to. I already have a bad case of PPD that just started to get a little better, but now I look at my baby, and I can't help but think why I gave birth if your dad just violated a boundary that he felt very strongly about. At the beginning of the relationship, he wanted a boundary of absolutely no porn and called it a form of cheating. I agreed to it because I have no problem with it, but during the pregnancy or after, I don't remember when, but he told me he would attend to his needs by watching porn. I just brushed it off, I guess, to avoid starting an argument, but now I'm just devastated and disappointed.
I can give an update if you guys would like one but im pretty sure nothing is going come out confronting him.