I (female) have been married to 37 M for 7 years with 2 kids. The last 6 years have been a dead bedroom with intimacy when I initiate it only with no passion or foreplay for myself.
Husband watches porn daily. I have found him on online sex chats and replying to sex ads for both men and women before our marriage. He has made comments about having a lot of sexual desires and wanting to be “humiliated” in sex. He claims to have a high sex drive but would have very vanilla boring sex with me with no touching and only when I ask.
Recently he’s admitted he lost attraction to me when I gained weight post giving birth (slow to lose the weight post partum while also going to school part time and working full time and doing all of the cooking and cleaning at home our entire marriage). I have since lost the weight but sex life didn’t pick up.
He does want to try to re-initiate intimacy and says he has gained some of that attraction back for me but I guess I just struggle knowing all of these sexual things he has been into but not wanting any sex with me. I do know it’s important to upkeep health/appearance but to completely shut me out of intimacy for years because of it is difficult to move past, on top of all of this other stuff I found out. He is trying to be more helpful around the house, reduce his porn use and initiate more hugs etc. we definitely lack a lot of physical and emotional intimacy- find it hard to have conversations with him. He is a great dad though.
Just curious on others thoughts on this situation, is any of this sexual stuff red flags ? Is this normal? Am I beating a dead horse or should I move on