How do you move on/solve the constant thoughts after hurting someone?
November 24, 2025
Could be family, friendship, relationship, etc.
14 comments
It depends on what I did to hurt them
Apologise. Think about the reason for you hurting them. Is it serious? The reason, I mean. If so, maybe you need to talk to a therapist and resolve your issues?
As we walk through life, we hurt people. Consciously, unconsciously. We might not know that we hurt them. We might do it on purpose. There are things that you can come back from after an apology and genuine regret and making amends. There are things that you can’t come back from. But this is what life is. Constant growth through experiencing different situations, making mistakes and learning from them. You won’t avoid hurting people. But you have the power to apologise, feel and show remorse, make amends, work on yourself so that you don’t do it again.
It’s hard but with time you just realize that you did it on purpose to not hurt yourself..
Or if I was really have done something wrong, I’ll apologize after we got calm or at same time if I can.
One time that I couldn’t do anything, was with my mom. I know she didn’t mean what she said but it hurt me a lot to the point i got scared of replying back to her or open the subject and hurt her. So I avoided talking to her with only hey gm and gn.. till I felt again fine. She was really sensitive that time and so me but I chose to say nothing. I was able to talk back normally maybe after 3 days , at this time I got myself busy with work so that she doesn’t feel like i am avoiding her. But everything is fine now :)!
It’s really hard, and I can’t say that I can totally move on from some of it. I gently remind myself that I did the best I could with the tools I had at the time. Some of those tools include things like patience and learning how to speak kindly and managing anger. Sometimes I mismanaged my tools.
Those tools change over time – in my twenties I didn’t have the tool of life experience that my forties brought. So I try to remind myself that I was growing and learning then and I still am today. And that part of learning is developing those skills surrounding how we treat others.
First, self-compassion. You likely didn’t intend to hurt them. You were making decisions with the tools you have given all the experiences you’ve had in life. It’s understandable you made those choices.
Apologize where appropriate–sincerely and without defensiveness. If appropriate, take action to address the hurt you caused and improve the situation if possible.
Then, think about how you will change your behavior in the future to avoid similar situations.
Once you’ve done all that thoroughly, that’s all you can do. After that point, if thoughts of regret come up, remind yourself you’ve done all you can and that’s all that one can do. We all make mistakes. Let it go.
If you’re still struggling, try CBT and therapy.
Bite the bullet and make amends. It is hard to do and cathartic at the same time. Good Luck!
Wallow in self loathing
With time and through changed actions.
It depends on whether I intended to hurt them or I actually feel sorry about it.
I’ve made some mistakes in the past where I’ve hurt people. First thing is I take accountability for my offence. I apologise and make sure I don’t make the same mistakes. If my apology isn’t accepted I understand that’s a possible outcome and I make peace with the fact I can’t force someone to accept an apology and then I forgive myself if that’s the case because at least I genuinely tried. I ofc use it as a learning experience and grow from it.
I separate the situation into things that I can control/impact moving forward, vs. things that I cannot.
What I can control: apologize, try to make it right (if applicable), learn from it and commit to not make the same mistake again.
What I cannot control: literally everything else about the situation. You feeling bad or guilty isn’t going to make anything better, in fact it will probably make a lot of things worse for you and the people around you. Once I logically convince myself of this, I can move on pretty well.
[removed]
Own it, apologize clearly, learn from it, then stop replaying it – growth beats self-punishment every time.
just want to add on, if you are planning to apologise, do not do it by text. do it face to face, even if it feels you will be shunned by the person. you will be, but an apology that isnt looking someone in the face is honestly very very cheap and forgettable if you want to show remorse.
14 comments
It depends on what I did to hurt them
Apologise. Think about the reason for you hurting them. Is it serious? The reason, I mean. If so, maybe you need to talk to a therapist and resolve your issues?
As we walk through life, we hurt people. Consciously, unconsciously. We might not know that we hurt them. We might do it on purpose. There are things that you can come back from after an apology and genuine regret and making amends. There are things that you can’t come back from. But this is what life is. Constant growth through experiencing different situations, making mistakes and learning from them. You won’t avoid hurting people. But you have the power to apologise, feel and show remorse, make amends, work on yourself so that you don’t do it again.
It’s hard but with time you just realize that you did it on purpose to not hurt yourself..
Or if I was really have done something wrong, I’ll apologize after we got calm or at same time if I can.
One time that I couldn’t do anything, was with my mom. I know she didn’t mean what she said but it hurt me a lot to the point i got scared of replying back to her or open the subject and hurt her. So I avoided talking to her with only hey gm and gn.. till I felt again fine. She was really sensitive that time and so me but I chose to say nothing. I was able to talk back normally maybe after 3 days , at this time I got myself busy with work so that she doesn’t feel like i am avoiding her. But everything is fine now :)!
It’s really hard, and I can’t say that I can totally move on from some of it. I gently remind myself that I did the best I could with the tools I had at the time. Some of those tools include things like patience and learning how to speak kindly and managing anger. Sometimes I mismanaged my tools.
Those tools change over time – in my twenties I didn’t have the tool of life experience that my forties brought. So I try to remind myself that I was growing and learning then and I still am today. And that part of learning is developing those skills surrounding how we treat others.
First, self-compassion. You likely didn’t intend to hurt them. You were making decisions with the tools you have given all the experiences you’ve had in life. It’s understandable you made those choices.
Apologize where appropriate–sincerely and without defensiveness. If appropriate, take action to address the hurt you caused and improve the situation if possible.
Then, think about how you will change your behavior in the future to avoid similar situations.
Once you’ve done all that thoroughly, that’s all you can do. After that point, if thoughts of regret come up, remind yourself you’ve done all you can and that’s all that one can do. We all make mistakes. Let it go.
If you’re still struggling, try CBT and therapy.
Bite the bullet and make amends. It is hard to do and cathartic at the same time. Good Luck!
Wallow in self loathing
With time and through changed actions.
It depends on whether I intended to hurt them or I actually feel sorry about it.
I’ve made some mistakes in the past where I’ve hurt people. First thing is I take accountability for my offence. I apologise and make sure I don’t make the same mistakes. If my apology isn’t accepted I understand that’s a possible outcome and I make peace with the fact I can’t force someone to accept an apology and then I forgive myself if that’s the case because at least I genuinely tried. I ofc use it as a learning experience and grow from it.
I separate the situation into things that I can control/impact moving forward, vs. things that I cannot.
What I can control: apologize, try to make it right (if applicable), learn from it and commit to not make the same mistake again.
What I cannot control: literally everything else about the situation. You feeling bad or guilty isn’t going to make anything better, in fact it will probably make a lot of things worse for you and the people around you. Once I logically convince myself of this, I can move on pretty well.
[removed]
Own it, apologize clearly, learn from it, then stop replaying it – growth beats self-punishment every time.
just want to add on, if you are planning to apologise, do not do it by text. do it face to face, even if it feels you will be shunned by the person. you will be, but an apology that isnt looking someone in the face is honestly very very cheap and forgettable if you want to show remorse.