My wife (36f) and I (40m) have an average of sex once a week. She is the proud mother to my three amazing kids but after each birth her sex drive dwindle more and more. She likes to keep our sex life pretty vanilla and I want to try to keep things fresh. I have openly told her about my little kinks and fetishes. The other night I asked her to indulge me a little and wear something sexy to bed. She did not but we ended up having sex anyways. I ask her why she hadn’t worn what I asked and she said she forgot. I swiftly responded it easy to forget when you get no pleasure out of it and especially knowing that I’ll have sex with you no matter what. She responded that I as exactly right. It’s hurtful that my wife thinks that way because she is in complete control as there is nothing I can do to make her want it. I’ve asked, literally, what do I do to turn you on? And her response is usually very passive but ultimately it’s nothing. Either she wants it and I give it to her or she doesn’t want it and I’m left hanging out to dry. Now I am grateful for what we do have and what I do get but I just want to keep things fresh and for it to be more of a two way street with our sex life. I’ve asked her to listen to podcast, read books, intimacy apps, and all of is met with a no or she just ignores the request. I’ve tried to talk to her about my thoughts, feelings, and wants but it turns into a fight because she says I’m ungrateful or that I expect her to be some horny vixen that always wants sex and that obviously that would be great but I realize that real life is not a porno and that I have metered expectations for how our sex life should be, which I feel like I do. Any suggestions or advice would be greatly appreciated.