Is it normal that texting slows down after a great first date?
Hey everyone, I need some outside perspective because I’m confused and kind of anxious about this shift.
I met a guy recently and for about a week, we were talking a lot. We texted every day and talked on the phone about four times. The connection felt really natural and easy, and he seemed genuinely interested.
We finally met in person this weekend and the date went really well. We talked for hours, the vibe felt strong and comfortable, and I honestly haven’t felt a connection like that with someone in a long time.
At one point around midday during the date, he even asked something like: “So you still want to come see me next time?” which made me feel like he was clearly planning on seeing me again.
After the date, he messaged me once when he got home.
But since then, almost every conversation has only happened because I initiated it.
He replies, but the messages are short and not nearly as frequent as before we met. The contrast is making me overthink everything.
I suggested planning a second date, and he said yes right away — calm, normal, no hesitation. He didn’t avoid the topic. But the drop in texting effort is still bothering me.
He also recently got out of a long relationship, so I can’t tell if he’s being cautious, overwhelmed, or pulling back emotionally.
To add to that, he’s leaving mid-December to visit family for almost a month. So if communication is already this slow now, I’m worried about what that’s going to look like while he’s away.
Is it normal for texting to slow down after a first date, even if the date went great?
How do you tell if someone is just a slower communicator vs genuinely losing interest?
28 comments
All posts are manually reviewed before being approved for posting. This usually takes less than an hour but due to moderator availability may take longer. While you wait for your post to be approved, please make sure that you have read the rules in the sidebar. You can also use the search function to look for questions similar to yours.
If you are new to Reddit or have never commented here before, you will need to spend some time building comment karma on our sub before you will be allowed to make your own posts. You can do so by participating in other posts or by using the [daily sticky threads](https://www.reddit.com/r/datingoverthirty/about/sticky) to ask your question or comment on others. If you have made numerous comments before but are using a throwaway to post, please review rule 3 in the sidebar for more information.
We also have weekly threads for common subjects. If you are looking to vent, share dating tips or spread happy thoughts, we have [stickied posts](https://www.reddit.com/r/datingoverthirty/about/sticky) every day where you can share your wisdom, joy or commisery with others!
—
The following is a copy of the above post as it was originally written.
**Title:** [Is it normal that texting slows down after a great first date?](https://www.reddit.com/r/datingoverthirty/comments/1p6tbir/is_it_normal_that_texting_slows_down_after_a/)
**Author:** /u/RewardDesperate
**Full text:** Is it normal that texting slows down after a great first date?
Hey everyone, I need some outside perspective because I’m confused and kind of anxious about this shift.
I met a guy recently and for about a week, we were talking a lot. We texted every day and talked on the phone about four times. The connection felt really natural and easy, and he seemed genuinely interested.
We finally met in person this weekend and the date went really well. We talked for hours, the vibe felt strong and comfortable, and I honestly haven’t felt a connection like that with someone in a long time.
At one point around midday during the date, he even asked something like: “So you still want to come see me next time?” which made me feel like he was clearly planning on seeing me again.
After the date, he messaged me once when he got home.
But since then, almost every conversation has only happened because I initiated it.
He replies, but the messages are short and not nearly as frequent as before we met. The contrast is making me overthink everything.
I suggested planning a second date, and he said yes right away — calm, normal, no hesitation. He didn’t avoid the topic. But the drop in texting effort is still bothering me.
He also recently got out of a long relationship, so I can’t tell if he’s being cautious, overwhelmed, or pulling back emotionally.
To add to that, he’s leaving mid-December to visit family for almost a month. So if communication is already this slow now, I’m worried about what that’s going to look like while he’s away.
Is it normal for texting to slow down after a first date, even if the date went great?
How do you tell if someone is just a slower communicator vs genuinely losing interest?
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/datingoverthirty) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I think it could be normal that the texting slow down a bit after meeting but the fact that he doesn’t initiate and do the bare minimum to reply to you would make me think he isn’t interested anymore.
Have you scheduled the 2nd date?
Yup
It’s possible he’s just being a little more reserved so he has more to talk about on the date.
Normal for someone who is being cautious, is overwhelmed and pulling back. Lack of consistency, especially in the beginning is not a good sign. I’d leave the ball in his court and continue going in other dates. He was probably very excited, met you and then thought woah this is fast I need to take a step back. Let him and go on with your life though I know it’s disappointing, it’s not personal.
I don’t really think this is a great sign, you should trust your gut, there could be something else going on. No one on here can tell you exactly what but in my opinion if a guy is interested it’s so obvious and when you’re confused and questioning it there’s something going on. If you do get more info please update the post, would be interested to hear
In my experience if texting slows down they’re not interested
The hard truth I personally learned is that however you thought that first date went, is probably wrong 🙁
Ask him.
I’ve been that person, and sorry to say it’s because we aren’t as interested as we thought after meeting
Did you actually plan and solidify a second date? Because if not I would probably not get too invested in this. If someone really wants to see you again they will lock it in.
I’ve had similar experiences from the other side of things. Rule of thumb is if texting slows down it’s either they’re on the fence and pondering things over, or lost interest.
Texting should be quick and prompt.
It’s either a fuck yes or a fuck no.
Was there intimacy on the first date? I’m kind of messed up mentally from childhood stuff so like I’ll go hard into basically the first time sleeping with a woman and then pull way back on communication afterwards.
Could you post an update after your saturday s date? maybe as an answer to my comment? thank you
I prefer it when the texting slows down. It makes sense to text a lot prior to meeting to determine if it’s worthwhile to even have a first date. However, after meeting I prefer to focus on in-person interactions. So, it’s possible he’s like me. You probably won’t know for certain till you go on a second date. Might be worth asking about his texting preferences.
Yes. And no I guess. Everything is normal and nothing is normal, you should just tell people how much you’d like to text them and see if they agree
Texting has existed for ~33 years. There are people here that are older than the concept of “texting.” If not for a weird stroke of luck, you would be writing letters waiting WEEKS to hear back from someone you liked.
I would focus on the energy when you’re physically together. He may have been texting a lot at first to show interest and now wants to focus on getting to know you in person. I’m kind of like that to be honest, I don’t like having conversations over text early on. But I would also suggest keeping your feelings in check for the first weeks of meeting someone new. Even after a great first date, things can fade away quickly for a million reasons. It’s totally fine to be excited but I guess don’t put all your eggs in one basket early on.
I don’t know if it’s normal but this kind of dynamic bothers me too and is not what I want.
Not it he’s truly interested. I aee in another comment that there was intimacy. I don’t know if that means sex or not but I think the pullback is even more of an indication he’s not interested if sex was involved.
He readily agreed to another date, so there’s that at least. Do you have a day, time, and place set yet?
It’s definitely normal for me. Without a request to do otherwise, I’m the sort of person who basically only texts to schedule meeting up, or to say something that can’t wait until we meet up. I’d rather talk in person, but you can’t really do that before the first date, so that’s when you text instead.
It always depresses me to see how many people assume it means disinterest; I have a hard time with texting between dates.
No, it’s not normal that texting slows down after meeting. You should bring it up before you invest more in what sounds like a confused person. Be straight up “Hey I enjoyed our time but after we met I noticed communication slowed down. I am someone who likes to feel connected and if that’s not who you are I rather know that now”
That’s an easy segway for him to man up and tell you how he’s feeling. Hope that helps.
He might really like you but doesn’t want to seem overbearing. Don’t take it as lost interest because everyone is busy nowadays. Look at the meeting like a checkpoint because with the no hesitation second date, things seem to be alright.
I’m more concerned about the drop in phone calls. People have all sorts of relationships to texting – whether using it to schedule, to get to know someone in a “soft” way before pivoting to in-person, or as a legitimate form of connection. I (female) personally don’t enjoy keeping up long text conversations after an in-person date, even if I really like the person. But to me, dropping the phone calls is more telling… I think that’s more intimate, and if you were talking 4x/wk leading up to the date and you’re no longer having phone calls, that shows a lack of interest (to me).
In my experience, it means they’re not interested or not emotionally available in general. Neither one of them are great.
Was he initiating most of the texting before the date? He may be looking for you to match his effort.
I don’t think you’re gonna find your answer to this by asking internet strangers who know even less about this guy than you do. The best way to find out what this guy is thinking is just by looking at what he does. Low texting; suggests low interest. Wants to meet for another date; suggests high interest. The only real way to know what’s going on is to seem him a few more times and try to paint more of a picture, and then decide how *you* feel about that picture. He might be pretty interested in you, but just isn’t much of a texter; if he keeps agreeing to meet you, *and* the dates continue to be pretty good, then maybe that’s all it is. Or maybe he’s just genuinely not super interested; if he doesn’t initiate followup dates or the energy on those dates feels flat, then maybe it’s that.
You just need to collect more data at this stage, but keep checking in with yourself how you feel about it. If having frequent-ish texting is important to you for feeling like the connection is staying alive, then don’t dismiss that. But if you’re good with very little contact except when you see each other, then all you need to really focus on is what happens in person.
Breathe. It’s been ONE date.
It might mean something, it might not, but either way it’s nothing to be that worried about because it has been one date.
Personally, I’ve had times where I haven’t shared every waking thought because I wanted to save something to talk about when I actually see them again. I’ve also had times when I pulled back a bit because I knew I had lost interest for whatever reason and while I was still open to seeing them and seeing where it went, I didn’t want to over promise and look like I was 100% in when I wasn’t yet. Especially when the other person seems to be in 100% faster than I expected them to be.
If you can, just relax. Don’t obsess over his texting this early on. Get some hobbies; don’t think about him all day every day after one date.
And if you can’t, that’s understandable — but it’s going to be better for your mental health in the long run than to just end it now.