Hi everyone.
Sorry for the long post!
I’m a 27-year-old woman and my husband is 34. We’ve been married since October 2022. I posted earlier on this group, but I’m sharing a full summary now because things have escalated and I am extremely confused.
My husband and I were in a long-distance marriage until May 2025, when I finally moved to the US. We had only met in person during the nikah and one short visit afterward. Our families knew each other, so everything seemed stable at the time.
But from the start, something felt off.
After the nikah, he was never interested in intimacy — not sexting, not initiating anything, not even basic romantic effort. Whenever I tried, he would say he was “shy” or that we would do things “in person.” But even after I moved to the US, nothing changed. There was no desire, no intimacy, no real connection.
A month after arriving in the US, I discovered the truth:
He had been cheating on me throughout the entire long distance AND even after I moved.
I confronted him multiple times — not once, but three separate times — and every time he lied. He kept insisting he was “only talking as friends” and that I was overthinking. But I had proof. He would delete conversations, hide things, gaslight, and continue talking to girls behind my back.
Then I found out he also drinks regularly, which he hid from me AND from his parents. When I confronted the parents, they casually said they already knew and had been “trying to control him.” They also admitted he lies to them all the time too. They told me he promises things and breaks every promise.
Things finally came out in the open in November — just this month — when I found even more evidence of cheating. He matched with a girl on Tinder literally three days before everything exploded. Only after getting caught did he panic and delete everything, but not because he hurt me — his parents scared him about legal consequences like “what if the girls are under 18” or “what if they file a case.”
Instead of acknowledging the pain he caused me, his parents started worrying about his reputation and “what could happen to him.”
When I said it’s HIS fault, they started bad-mouthing the girls he talked to, even though he never told them he was married and he kept pursuing them.
Even after being caught multiple times, he still didn’t apologize properly.
He only apologizes when his parents force him to.
He didn’t cry, didn’t beg, didn’t show any genuine remorse — he just behaves normally as if nothing happened and then complains to his mother that “she ignores me when I try to talk.”
His mother has now started telling me that I need to “also try,” that I have to “be receptive,” and that I shouldn’t ignore him. She keeps saying that if I don’t talk to him, he will also think I don’t want to try and he will stop trying too. But the truth is: he isn’t trying at all.
His mother told me that I “waited too long to tell them,” and now that everything is out, I “should work on it” because “he feels guilty” — even though I don’t see ANY guilt from him directly.
On top of all this, in our entire marriage, we NEVER had actual sex.
Only two times we had minor foreplay, and even after that, he told me:
“You force me. I feel pressured. I only want to do it when I’m in the mood.”
He has ZERO physical or emotional attraction toward me but acted interested in so many other girls online.
Right now, I currently have no savings because I was doing unpaid medical rotations. I’ve just started a job, but haven’t received my first paycheck yet. I do have the opportunity to temporarily stay with my cousin in another state in January, but until then, I’m financially stuck.
So my questions are:
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Should I give him one more chance just because his parents are begging, or because now everything is out in the open?
He had so many chances before. I threatened divorce earlier, and he still continued cheating and lying. -
Or should I quietly wait until January when I can move to my cousin’s place, and then file for divorce from there when I’m emotionally and financially stable enough?
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Am I wrong for not being “receptive” when he hasn’t made a single genuine effort or apology?
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Should my parents get involved rightnow or in January?
I really don’t need harsh negativity — I already feel exhausted and confused.
But I do need honest, sincere advice.
Because right now, my heart says he will never change, and my mind is telling me to plan my exit when the time is right.
Thank you to anyone who reads this fully. I genuinely need clarity.