Honestly, I just like to hear funny / interesting things from back home.

Maybe you saw something wild in Poundland, maybe you found out something historically interesting.

Either way, whatever way, I’d like to hear it.

P.s as much as I avoid British news, I know it’s not easy back there right now, or dare I say pleasant, but I wish all of you the best.

✌🏼


37 comments

  4. There’s still too many yellow ones in the party ring packs. Pink and purple are still the best.

  6. Coke is much cheaper and better in South America.

    I do pity you though, not being able to get good Cheddar down your way!

    It’s fucking cold here now so enjoy your summer.

  7. Andrew Mountbatten Windsor is on the dole.

    The price of a Freddo is now over a quid.

    Pubs are now only for rich people.

  9. How about I treat you to a curmudgeonly rant?

    Hampshire Highways are still coming out and marking potholes with spraypaint, then taking so long to come back and fix them that the rain has washed away the paint.

    Then it’s ” I swear it lads, they were roight here, innit, marked ’em up meself, roight? Oh well, better mark up these ones now so we can come back to ’em after we’ve found the others eh?”

    And off they fuck touring the countryside with their can of paint and not a repaired pothole to be found.

    It’s grade A British comedy, this!

  10. Today is one of those cold, crisp blue sky days. Not cold enough for the grass to be crunchy but definitely big coat weather. The trees are still having a good show of colour and the forest looks beautiful.

    All the christmas ads are on TV already. John Lewis, Waitrose and Tesco all came up with good ads.

    Yet to have my first mince pie of the season but maybe on the next big shop.

    PS – Its really not as bad as the press is making out here. The news knows that bad news sells and gets the clicks.

  11. Ending a professional email with “regards” instead of “kind regards” to indicate you are fucking furious.

  12. Our motorways are 50mph now, it seems. There are signs for “workers in the road” and no workers anywhere.

  13. In the same hour, I saw someone light up next to a no smoking sign, then a Labrador peeing on a no dogs sign.

    I damn near started singing Jerusalem I was so proud.

  15. You will regret coming back, you will be satisfied for a week if you come back and then you’ll remember all the reasons you left in the first place

  16. A lady in my town only wears bright pink, pushes a shopping trolley of Percy Pig branded bags-for-life around, and regularly stops to feed the pigeons with breadcrumbs which are stored in the bags. Feels very British for some reason.

  18. The squirrels stole all the medlars off my tree this year. I’ve been growing that tree for five years, and it’s only just got enough fruit to make a pie, but I didn’t get one of them. All I’m growing in this garden is squirrels.

  19. In the gym and there’s an eccentric looking dude with curly mad scientist hair and yellow knee high socks next to me shouting “DOWN, DOWN” in a properly posh English accent. I’m from Tyneside so this is rare. I go on a wtf then get on with my deadlifts. Next he’s shouting “IN YOUR BED HERBERT! HERBIE, IN YOUR BED!” and getting increasingly more annoyed til he finally throws a full on foot stamping tantrum. When I’m heading for the shower I notice his mobile balanced on the floor in front of him, there’s a tiny curly dog of some kind looking into a video call and he’s busy shouting at his pet.

    TLDR: Elderly posh mad scientist type in yellow socks berating Herbert the doodle via video conference from my gym.

    Fcks given by Herbert: Zero.

  21. I still occasionally see people walking around outdoors in pyjamas and dressing gowns.

    20mph speed limit in residential/shop areas – at least in Wales.

    Immunocompromised people still offered the yearly flu jab.

    M&S x Tom Kerridge beef Wellington (“serves six”) costs £195…

    Hope you’re having a lovely summer otherwise 🙂

  23. Every street now has 1 household with a RangeRover in the drive, white/grey plush velvet decor inside – owned by a beautician and a tradesman. Both with bright white fake teeth and a cockapoo/frenchie.

    If your street doesnt have one, youre lying.

  24. Nope you missed the window of opportunity.

    In the past 5 years we had the following flavour waves in all the confectionery:

    Oreo everything (meh)

    Salted caramel everything (pretty good!)

    Biscoff flavour everything (amazing at first, but became too common and samey)

    Chocolate orange everything (this one’s on the downturn, you missed the boat)

    And now, absolutely shite Dubai pistachio flavour everything 😆

  26. My dad has retired recently and so he’d thought he’d go to an artist’s house that has been converted into a museum, I texted how it went:

    “Yeah the museum was fine, went to Greggs and halfway through the sausage roll a seagull snatched it out my hand. Thieving bastards. Going for a pint to recover”

    That tickled me.

  27. A TikToker called Zoe Bread is absolutely and repeatedly publicly rinsing Manchester City Council on their shady business practices and double standards and it is really entertaining to watch them fumbling.

  28. I just did a pickled onion monster munch burp reading your post.

    I’ve not had them in years.

    Put me right off breakfast.

  30. We had a cold snap last week and I found myself complaining about how cold it was. I have no idea why I was surprised as I’m 35 years old and the weather has been the same every year without question. No doubt as soon as summer comes around, I’ll be moaning about how hot it is.

  32. > P.s as much as I avoid British news, I know it’s not easy back there right now, or dare I say pleasant, but I wish all of you the best.

    Why do people say this? There’s doom and gloom on Reddit but a majority of people are happy just living their life.

  33. I just bought a bag of quality street BUT only the cream centres (the orange and strawberry ones). Genius or crazy, you decide.

  34. I’m having issues with a local Swan, it’s a younger one he’s still got some grey feathering, but it’s an absolute unit of a swan.

    For some reason whenever I pass his turf, minding my own business, the bastard gets aggressive bit of a hiss and sometimes even a flap of the wings.

    I’ve watched other people pass by much closer to it and he does nothing, I come within 4 metres and the Swan loses its mind.

    Must have pissed it off somehow but I can’t think what I’ve done.

  35. Nothing particularly interesting here, but i’ll give you a few fairly British entries from my “mind diary” this week:

    – A lady walked into me at the shop. Not my fault at all, and so I of course opened with an apology, and between us we said sorry a further four times.

    – I decided to make small talk with an old acquaintance. It was awkward for us both and we ended with an unspoken yet obvious agreement to smile and carry on walking next time, or avoid each other if possible. It’s the polite thing to do.

    – Took the family to the park. It was cold and wet enough for me to express a surprised comment on the fact, despite this being my 36th November spent in southern England.

    – Dinner plans were immediately altered by the smell emanating from the local chip shop, the kids are excited but their mum seemed almost disheartened as she sighed “we have Bolognese in the fridge”.

    – Driving home from work with a colleague. We both expressed mild disgust with the houses already displaying Christmas decorations. After dropping him off I turned on the radio and sang along to “Fairy tale of New York” before arriving home to find my girlfriend putting the Christmas tree up.

  37. We rented a boat to sleep in for the night on Saturday. After going into town and buying Pictionary from a charity shop, we got back and all the power went off within ten minutes. We sat and played Dobble by torch light until the owners got there.
    I’m an electrician and though I admitted I didn’t know much about boat electrics, the nature of the power outage seemed to be a trip, rather than a battery dying. Nevertheless, the owner left us with the boat running so we could use the microwave, hoping to charge the battery (which didn’t charge). He returned, moved the boat and plugged it in, it still didn’t work.

    He took us to the pub and left us there having paid 8 pints on for us. We played darts and possibly bugged the locals by putting songs on the jukebox, which all
    Played a lot louder than the random ones it was playing in the background. He returned an hour later saying he had spoken to the previous owner who told him the isolator had probably tripped, which it had.

    They left us in the pub, and we were able to
    Make our way back after finishing 6 pints, swapping one for three bags of crisps and giving the last one to the barmaid.

    They offered to take us out of the boat the next day by way of apology, which we accepted. I had a cup of tea and bacon sandwiches waiting for them when they got there.

    Things go wrong on boats, that’s the boat life.

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