I’m looking for honest advice from those who’ve been through something similar. I’m deeply attached to a partner who’s been emotionally abusive, and I know I’m trauma-bonded. I’m scared to leave, but I know something has to change.
We’ve been together for 10 years. I found out he had been texting his female employee for about 6 months. It never got physical, but he was asking her to go to the gym, go shopping, and even invited her on a one-night business trip (she declined) although she was flirting back at times. He bought her a perfume one time and was very persistent in asking her to go shopping/out to eat again. She also invited him to see her in a different country for four days and he was planning to go for months but didn’t go in the end.
When I confronted him he was deeply remorseful and said it wasn’t about me or my attractiveness.. just an issue within himself. He said he made a stupid mistake and let the stress of his business and debt get to him. I left for a few weeks, and he was crying constantly, depressed, and asked me to come back. I returned because he just had surgery and I felt sorry to him. Two weeks later I was giving him a shower whilst I was half asleep so I accidentally got water on his cast (he was also on 3 hours sleep) and he calling me a ‘fcking useless rtard and c*nt
A few months later I went to stay with family and asked for space to think and a week later he would get angry or sad and says he can’t function without me.
Since coming back, I’ve been feeling depressed. I told him how I was feeling and he said he would support me, but when he gets angry, he throws it back in my face. He’s called me “useless” and a “bum” because of how I’ve been since I came back.
There was also a point where I tried to leave again, and he told me I would regret it because he’s worked so hard over the years to provide for me. He said I’d struggle and suffer in the real world without him and that no one else would put up with me because I never really focused on building a career while we’ve been together.
I’m sharing this because i want to know if others have been in a similar situation. How did you overcome it? Or did you decide to leave?
He flips into “extra nice” mode every time he feels me distancing. He put me on the deed to his house, which means I legally own half even though I never contributed financially. Now he’s panicking that I’ll leave and take my share, and he’s telling me I don’t deserve it. I’m torn, because there’s the moral side… even though everyone around me believes I’m entitled to half, given everything I’ve done and put up with.
He is now being extra nice to me. Making me tea and coffee every morning, giving me back rubs, money to spend on shopping etc which makes it even more confusing for me and deep down a part of me hopes he can change