Basically, sometime last year, I started dating a wonderful woman. Let’s call her C. She was exactly my type, but it was clear that she noticed things within my behaviour that were peculiar and perhaps worrisome. We didn’t explicitly state that we were exclusive to one another, but we did both say initially that we were looking for something committed.
As months passed and we got more intimate,I was having an increasingly difficult time opening up emotionally, even though I really wanted to. Eventually and seemingly out of nowhere, I booked a trip to Colombia. She was puzzled, and I feel like I did this to get away from a situation that was becoming increasingly emotionally foreign and uncomfortable to me, that is to mean a situation where love could potentially be involved.
While in Colombia, I met someone and was intimate with them. Upon my return home, I came back with this person, whom I hoped would live with me, but was as emotionally stunted as I was. This obviously broke C’s heart, and she cut off any contact with me.
Months later, I had also broken it off with the girl from my trip, as we were totally incompatible. Later on, I recontacted C to pour my heart out to her and apologize, as pathetic and miserable as it was. I didn’t tell her I loved her, as much as I wanted to.
After beginning therapy a few months ago, I learned that I have complex PTSD, which makes me unable to form stable and healthy relationships due to attachment trauma and extreme emotional restraint and anxiety.
It has been a massive breakthrough in my life. I’m doing everything I can to grow and move past this before starting a true relationship and eventually a family. I really do care so deeply about C, and know that she was perfect for me.
Do you think there’s a chance for us to reconnect, and do you think she would be able to move past being done so wrong by me ?
Blessings to all and thank you for reading