Just whining about things.
I'm coming to the realization that I think too much damage has been done here. I dont think theres a way back.
Theres not a single thing I look forward too with my husband. Nothing. The only good dreams of the future either include just me things or things with family, friends, or my kids.
Every single life milestone that we were supposed to celebrate or special thing we we're supposed to bond over- he has ruined. Our first kid and giving birth, our wedding, our anniversaries, Christmas, birthdays, Easters, family outings, kids birthday, dates, Valentines, kids doctors, signing kids up for school, family meals, vacations, etc.
He has completely put in zero effort the first few times. Everytime. Not caring to so much as make a homemade card with the craft supplies we already own or cooking me a dinner and lighting candles we already own- nothing.
I kept thinking I could move on and communicate and we'd get passed whatever thing was trashed on. But years went by with false promises, little to no changes and now I just realized we've run out of things that haven't been ruined. I use to love celebrations and now the idea of him being around makes me wish Christmas never comes.
No matter what he does at this point its not going to matter. I could go to walmart and buy some lotion and flowers myself if I wanted them that fcking bad. What I wanted was a partner that loved me enough to want to make me feel special.
I think im just gonna be depressed on special days until we divorce.