My husband cannot deal with my emotions. For example, I was working in a toxic job and sometimes I would angrily complain about coworkers. He hated it so much he would literally cut me off and tell me to stop, saying he doesn't like my tone. I would say well, I'm not talking about you that way, its my coworker I'm upset with. And he doesn't care, he just doesn't like to hear the anger in my voice and he does not want me to talk about it with him.
Finally, I quit that job. I was really scared to do it because it paid really well. I accepted a job that paid less. He did not support this move at all. His lack of support has been incredibly painful for me. I feel like I'm mentally collapsing without his support. I feel like he does not care that I hated that job, he always would say things like "well who cares if your coworkers suck. You're there for money." When I would literally come home crying from how bad it was. I want him to encourage me and believe in me in my new job, but he keeps saying he thinks I made a stupid decision. He doesn't think I should work my new job. He tells me to stay home and keep looking for something better, but I don't want to do that. I want to make a paycheck, and I enjoy working. But he does not care. I just finished my first week and I feel like I'm walking on eggshells at home because he disapproves of this job so much. Idk what to do. Im devastated and hurt.
Also we have an agreement with our chores. I do dishes and cook, he does laundry. For the first few years of our marriage this worked great! But lately I've noticed he is slacking on doing the laundry. This week I asked him 4 times if he could work on the laundry pile because it had grown quite large. Mind you, I never used to have to ask even once. I always loved that about him and so lately I've been feeling resentful that he isn't helping out as much. So I got quite irritated finally and snapped, asking him why he hasn't done any of it yet. We got in a big fight. He says all I do is cook and wash dishes and he does every other chore in the house (vacuum, clean bathroom, clean cat boxes as well as laundry) i admit he does those things more often than I do. But, in terms of daily time spent, I still spend more time because cooking and dishes are daily, and he basically vacuums and cleans the bathroom once a week. Does this seem unfair? He really hurt my feelings by saying this. I then made the point that we made an agreement that I would cook and clean the kitchen, and he would do laundry and he is not keeping up his end of the agreement. He then flipped it on me and said I wasn't keeping my end of the agreement because he did not agree I should take this job but I did anyway.
I'm just feeling devastated and stuck. We talked to our couples therapist about the job issue. He admitted that he did not like to hear me complain about work. He did not want me to take the new job because he was afraid I would just complain about it more. He would like me to either stop working or find a career I enjoy so I won't have to complain. I dont feel like either of those are completely realistic options. I refuse to not work, earning my own money is extremely important to me sothats just off the table entirely. And I don't think any career exists in the world that will be 100% enjoyable every day. Like genuinely, he cannot stand to hear me complain or speak negatively about anything. He wants me to be happy and positive all the time. Anytime I am sad or upset it causes him to feel very uncomfortable and push back against my emotions which I experience as him being dismissive, and frankly feels like he does not care how I feel. I'm so tired of being alone with things that make me sad and angry. Its like I cant be fully human in this relationship because anytime I feel upset he just completely shut down. Idk what I'm seeking by posting this. Just venting I suppose. And seeing if anyone can relate. Other than this our marriage is very good. We generally get along well and have a good life. As long as I am happy and positive.😞