Hi everyone, I really need some perspective.
I’m 23F and my husband is 29M. We’ve been together for a year, and 6 months of that was long-distance. I love him deeply. He’s sweet, innocent, and overall a good partner. Our sex life is actually great, we have sex every other day or at least 2–3 times a week.
But my sex drive is definitely higher. I’m always ready and willing, and I’ve never rejected him. Meanwhile, he sometimes avoids sex with stating some random reasons and that already makes me insecure.
A few months ago, I found an erotic movie on his phone. We fought about it, and he said it was just a moment of thought and that he wouldn’t do it again.
Today, I opened his phone and saw that he searched “hot red saree.” It wasn’t even porn, just sexy women. And for some reason, that hurt me way more. I feel so sad, disgusted, and betrayed.
It’s not that I’m against him watching porn. But the fact that I’m always available and he still looks at other women for arousal… it breaks my heart. It makes me feel like I’m not enough. It just throws me into a cycle of overthinking, im young and beautiful now and he still needs to look at other women. What if i give birth to his children and have saggy body and all . And what makes it worse is that he never looks at me the way he seems to look at those women online, even when I’m naked.
When I confronted him, he apologized. He said he searched it and then realized it was wrong and deleted it. But if he was watching porn it was less wierd coz he could learn things and try it with me . But he only watches women . Their body and stuff eww. And inasked him why can't u watch sex scenes why always women , He said, “I’m want to look at women, not guys, that’s why I searched it.” But that just made me feel worse.
Is this common for married men? Am I overreacting? I feel really broken right now.