tl;dr: I need the foreplay we used to have. Now, no real foreplay, and no discussion how to find something that works for both of us.
My wife and I have been together over a decade. We are very much in love, and while we've had communication issues in the past, we've been in couples counseling for over a year and things are great in our relationship. However, we stopped foreplay that we used to enjoy and are important to me in a sexual relationship.
At the beginning, we regularly did foreplay with oral and hand stuff from either party. She would encourage me to do these kinds of things some of the time to get started, and was enthusiastic. She had an IUD until I got a vasectomy, and she also told me she very much enjoyed the feeling of me finishing in her and feeling that inside her afterward.
Eventually things slowed to making out until she's ready and then she lets me know and we begin having sex. We didn't do a ton of foreplay stuff but she knew it was important to me and sometimes I'd be allowed to use my fingers on her, or go down on her. She seemed to enjoy the satisfaction I was getting from being able to touch and see her. If she ever just wasn't feeling it, she'd let me know, no problems.
A few months ago, I was told that there would be no more playing below her waist. So our sex became make out for a bit, maybe play with her chest then get to it. I let our couples counselor know that other kinds of foreplay things are important to me feeling fulfilled. My wife said that those things never felt good, and that she had always faked her enthusiasm for it and only encouraged me to do it because she knew that's what I wanted.
She revealed that she's uncovered repressed memories of CSA. The therapist advised me to be patient, and when my wife is ready, start talking about what feels good and how we might work up to finding new things that work for us both. My wife has expressed some light interest in toys now and that could be a good middle ground and meet some of my needs.
Now, she doesn't want near her nipples, which was the last private area that I had to enjoy. She also let me know that while she doesn't want to stop, she's not sure how she feels about me finishing inside her (she needs penetration to finish and we usually finish close together, so she doesn't want to stop). I worry that actual sex is the last thing left to withdraw, although she says she does enjoy it. But if at the beginning I'd have known that the only thing she actually liked was kissing then straight to sex, this would have been a concern for me.
I respect her body and autonomy. This doesn't stop me from wanting things and unable to ask for them though. I can be patient and try to work together to find new things that might work for us both when she's ready. My desires are far less important than the healing she's doing and can wait, but not for the rest of my life. Talking about it makes her pressured so I don't know what to do, because I can't share with her, and I really don't want to either lose her or be unfulfilled for the next 40-50 years.