I’m feeling really lost in my marriage right now, and I don’t know what to do. I’m 24, we’ve been together since we were 16, and we’ve only been married for about six months. I always thought getting married and starting dental school would be everything I wanted, but it hasn’t felt that way at all.
Ever since his grandma passed and his mom got sick, my husband’s drinking has gotten worse. Our arguments, his jealousy, the emotional distance, and the lack of affection have all made me feel lonely, unseen, and disconnected. I try talking to him, but the same patterns keep repeating, and his apologies don’t feel meaningful anymore. It honestly feels like I’m living with a roommate who doesn’t tell me anything. We haven’t had sex in two months.
What makes this harder is my personal history. I grew up with addict parents and a lot of chaos — my dad is in prison and my stepdad was physically and verbally abusive. His parents basically raised me, and I don’t want to lose that stability or hurt him. At the same time, I also know I don’t want to spend my life surrounded by addiction again. I’ve had this gut feeling that something has been off since we got engaged, and it’s only gotten worse over the past year.
Our schedules barely line up — I’m in dental school, he’s a correctional officer — so we barely spend meaningful time together. The last couple of days he’s suddenly been really clingy, but I’m already so emotionally drained that even being around him irritates me, which makes me feel guilty.
There’s also a guy at school who subtly flirts with me. He’s never crossed a line, but I notice it because I’m not getting any attention at home. I don’t want to be the kind of person who looks elsewhere for validation, but the fact that I’m even vulnerable to it scares me.
I guess I’m just torn between wondering if I’m overthinking everything because of stress, or if I’m finally admitting to myself that this relationship might not be healthy for me. I keep thinking about at what point it’s reasonable to ask for a separation or even a divorce — and I don’t know if I’m mentioning that too early or if it’s a sign that I’ve been unhappy for longer than I want to admit.
I just want clarity, peace, and some guidance from people who’ve been in similar situations.