I have lot of trauma around sex due to religious upbringing and SA. I’ve never really had sober sex to be honest. I was always drunk when I first started having sex and then later started using weed.
Weed really helped me to ground myself and get lost in the bodily sensations when having sex. Weed opened me up sexually and allowed me to feel lot of sensation I wasn’t able to feel prior especially in my vagina. Sometimes when I’m sober and masturbate, it’s underwhelming feeling and I get impatient and frustrated that I can’t reach a satisfying orgasm. Weed helped me to relax enough to orgasm. Basically weed helped me to get out of my head and stop disassociating during sex. I discovered a lot about myself and my sexual pleasure because weed allowed me to let go of expectations and fears.
It’s almost like I don’t have any sexual desires/don’t feel arousal when I’m sober.
Weed has lately started giving me anxiety so I have stopped smoking it as much and I’m getting ready to have sober sex as well. I think weed has been amazing tool for me to get used to letting go and enjoying pleasure but it’s time to have sober sex now. However I am terrified. What if I don’t enjoy it as much, how do I ground myself especially when I get closer to orgasming because that’s when my mind decides to disconnect from my body? I need my brain to be silent so I can enjoy the bodily sensations but I am naturally emotionally/physically detached person. I think it’s time to learn how to enjoy myself sober. Any tips/anyone with similar experiences?