I feel like all the talk surrounds women that keep coming across men that are emotionally unavailable and don’t want to commit, but I struggle from the opposite perspective.
I (24M) just am really getting discouraged with dating. It sucks because I’m serious about it and I know that finding that person doesn’t come without effort, but when I get rejected in other areas of my life (mainly job searching), I can only take so much rejection at once for my own mental health. I’m intelligent, can communicate my feelings, have clear passions, care about others, am great with animals, am intentional when I swipe, always plan the first date and pay for it, etc. And it just doesn’t seem to go anywhere.
On one hand, I know I’m not owed anything. It’s not anger or anything towards my dates. But I think it’s very valid for me to feel frustration when no one says they “feel a connection” even when I try to be thoughtful and respect her boundaries and not come across too strong too fast and I feel like I’m doing things right. I just can’t help but feel really sad when I hear stories of people my age already getting married, having children, etc, or hearing people that use dating apps talk about how they got married off of it. It just makes me really sad and makes me feel like I’m doing something wrong; that by somehow simply being who I am that that isn’t good enough for the world.
I just want to find someone that actually likes me and is actually ready to be serious instead of saying “Actually i’m not ready for a relationship” after I’ve already invested a lot of time into them. I’m at least no longer a virgin and have actually had a girlfriend now, so at least that hump is past. I’m just scared that she was my one true chance or that people don’t want to date someone without much experience.
I just don’t know where else to go besides apps. I’m an extrovert but also a nerd and on the spectrum so going out to events in public it’s a little hard to approach. And some of the things I’m into I think similar minded people that also like those things usually just stay at home. I feel occupied in no man’s land: good enough to get attention and to seem semi desirable, but not good enough to get anyone to commit to me. I know I’m not perfect, and I’m working on myself. It just seems like I have to be perfect to find someone, and I don’t know how much longer that can weigh on me before I crash and burn.