My husband recently lost some shifts at work. Since money is tight, I picked up two extra shifts to help us out . I’m a nurse, so even a couple of shifts really make a difference. I figured he could stay home with our toddler while I worked.
Instead of telling me how he felt, he got upset and basically shut down. He ignored my messages, was cold, and barely spoke to me the rest of the weekend. The two days I worked, I still took care of our toddler from 7am–2pm, then went straight to work until 11pm, and then did it all again the next day. I did that partly to give him space because I could tell something was off, but I still had no idea what I had done wrong.
This morning, I took our toddler to church, grabbed him a sandwich on the way home, and he accused me of being cold. I explained that I wasn’t being cold , he had ignored me for 24 hours and hadn’t responded to a single message. Naturally, I pulled back a bit to protect myself.
He then told me it was my fault he was acting that way, and that he shouldn’t HAVE to communicate when he’s upset and that I should just “know” that he didn’t want me picking up shifts. He also got annoyed that I didn’t tell him sooner about a shift change next week. I told him as soon as I remembered the next morning, and the situation is hypothetical anyway. I even reassured him I’d sort out childcare if needed that day( it’s usually just a 2 hour cross over) & my best friend can easily cover that!
At that point I told him I feel like he’s manipulating me. This isn’t a one off situation either.
For example: a few days ago he was mad that I bought a smaller Christmas tree and a few decorations (about $100, paid for with my own spending money). He then refused to decorate or do the tree with us, so I decorated it with our toddler alone.
I just feel abandoned sometimes. I know I’m not perfect at all and no one is but this isn’t about perfection. It’s about communication and the fact that shutting down, stonewalling, and blaming me for his feelings is becoming a pattern.
I feel like we’re not a team. He’s often mad at me for working.. but I’m not a SAHM! I only work part time but it’s helpful! I feel like everything is my fault and I’m walking on egg shells with work & finances. He gets upset with me doing anything opposite to his ideas.
His communication sucks! We had an event last week that was planned for after his night shift ( he agreed!) when he returned from his shift, I could tell he was so tired but I waited for him to communicate with me and say he can’t make it but he didn’t, he just left the room, went to sleep. I got ready & got our toddler ready and when I went to ask him, he got annoyed. He knew and committed to this event ( with another family ) it’s just annoying. I don’t mind if he can’t make it but just say it. Why is it my job to do all the emotional work?
Im not gonna say his good traits because that’s not the point here but im at a loss.
What do yall think?