Hello!
My husband (28M) and I (27F) have been together since we were 15. We’ve been married 3 years. We recently decided to open our marriage up and explore some (his idea actually). I had 0 problem with whatever he did. Everyday it was a rollercoaster though with how he felt with me talking to guys. One day he was for it and the next he wasn’t. So I said forget it and said let’s not do it anymore.
However, I really enjoyed talking to other men (he was able to read the messages, so he knows what all I said to men and what they said back). It felt so nice to be talked to and complimented. I just felt so confident and I was really enjoying myself.
I now am thinking about our marriage a lot. I have always felt he’s with me because I’m successful and independent. The only time we can carry a conversation is when he’s asking me how much money I’m brining in and putting in savings.. He never compliments me, he’s constantly talking to me like I’m a buddy from work. And when it comes to sex, it’s what HE wants. If I dont give him anl, he gets upset and acts like it kills him to have sex with me.. There has been a couple of times I’ve told him to stop during anl and he wouldn’t.. In all honestly I dont see having children with him too..
In summary, I really think I’m done and idk what to do. Idk what to even tell him. I’m just lost and confused and need any advice please. 🙏🏻
29 comments
He doesnt like you
yeah end this charade of a marriage
He’s anally raping you
Let that sink in. He is not it, my friend.
This is why open marriages don’t work. You’ll always want more of what you aren’t getting from the person at home. At some point you’ll get tired of it, and move on. Just like it seems you are. At some point, you’ll get nested and comfy with #2, and find yourself back in the same relationship you had with #1. Then what? You gonna try to open it up again, or just cheat?
He got with you because of your income. Now it’s your time to leave. An open marriage is never a good idea
Usually we see opening ruining the marriage. In your case I think it has made you realize you’d been living in a ruined marriage already.
Sounds like he’s using you and you’re letting it. Make plans to detach emotionally and leave. Treat yourself with love and respect and you’ll meet men who will treat you with love and respect.
There’s a lot of dudes out there who would cherish you, don’t settle
Consult an attorney before saying anything to him. If it was me I’d divorce him and pack up and go somewhere safe while he’s at work.
I knew I had to leave when the idea of having children was off the table. Not because I didn’t want children, but because I didn’t want him to have any. So if that’s the way you feel, I think an exit strategy and therapy are in order
Yeah, spousal rape kinda sours the marriage. Send him packing.
Dump him. He is disrespecting you physically and mentally. You married way below your league. Pay him if you have to. Will be worth it. Find somebody who appreciates you and pleases you.
Dump him. He doesn’t appreciate you. He doesn’t care about you. That much is obvious.
He’s not into you anymore. He’s into your money honey. Do not have kids with this loser
You sound amazing! You’re successful and smart honestly start planning your exit. You are to good for him if he isn’t giving you what you need then literally visit divorce attorneys and figure out in your space and time. Make your life more about you . This never works for any marriage it’s unhealthy! You sound amazing ! Actually make it all about you …. A woman should have one man that desires just you ! That is what marriage is ….. You deserve to have the real thing ! Time goes by very fast ! Don’t waste anymore time on someone who isn’t giving you the love and respect you deserve ! You need to go see what else is out there but do it legally the longer you wait the more this will make you unhappy separate from this man them go find Mr. Right the real one ! Remember you are precious you deserve the world . This isn’t a healthy marriage for you !
Open marriage means “I’m not attracted to you, but I want to stay married for the security and stability”.
This is not a loving marriage. He is not truly in love with you, he doesn’t respect you, he wants an excuse to cheat, he’s using you, and he’s sexually assaulting you!!
He wanted to open the marriage thinking he was going to have endless choices and opportunities for hookups. He probably never considered that you would be the one who had endless choices and opportunities for hookups.
You already know that this marriage is over. I would say that you need to walk away as fast as you can but considering you are literally being SA, I am advising you to run, as fast as you can, away from him and this marriage. You have been with him for so long that you never had the opportunity to grow and learn what you want out of life for yourself. All of your life decisions were based on the two of you as a couple, now you can explore life and what makes you happy. I wish you a long, happy, beautiful life of your choosing.
He wanted to open the marriage because he wanted other women. Men sometimes do this up until the wife or girl decide two can play that game.
Can I say being a successful woman be proud of that ! but don’t spend five more minutes in a marriage you don’t feel special love and super valued all the time ! Love yourself more ! Make your plan your way in your time and legally leave him that is the big thing ! Never tell him a thing ! Just take care of you !
I had a relationship with a successful woman and I absolutely worshipped the ground she walked on. I did everything I could to support her in her many endeavours and be her champion. This guy is demanding anal sex and raping you when you want him to stop? And treats you like a buddy and only talks about your success? And wanted an open relationship and got jealous when you wanted to participate? This marriage sounds terrible. Go find yourself a guy who will be respectful of you and who genuinely loves, adores, and most importantly – actually LIKES you.
Open marriage at the very beginning of the relationship is more successful than years later. Without being open there is a 50/50 success/failure rate. Once Pandora’s box is open the odds are 99% failure. Hire or consult with the best lawyer and therapy, and write this down as a lesson learned.
End this “marriage” yesterday.
People who get together so young usually don’t last. They grow up and become different people. I’m really against marriage so young because I don’t even think you are done figuring yourself out at that age.
Ask for a divorce. Be thankful he asked for this. You can clearly find someone who really makes you happy and loves every part of you. Don’t waste anymore years on him. Get out now.
[You posted 11 months ago that you were over your husband](https://www.reddit.com/r/Marriage/s/SLshxfQY0r) so not sure what else you’re looking for here? You know what you need to do and you seem to be in a good spot to do so. So do it.
The signs are there for you to see . It’s now or never . You deserve someone better. Remember we only have one life and make sure you make the best choices
So he’s a rapist.
Time to leave.
That’s not a marriage….thats abuse. It’s the legal Devi motion of rape. Get out.
His idea to open your relationship up, you can see it wasn’t for your benefit. Go the way most marriages that are opened up go, end it and move on.