I really do love my husband so much. But there is times where he lashes out on me, insults me and talks to me in a very disrespectful way. Doesn’t let me speak and makes fun of what I say when we have an argument. This happens every other week or month. When we don’t argue it’s great. He is a great listener, he compliments me, he is helpful and I do feel loved by him. But when things set him off he is s whole different person that I am scared of. I feel like his anger turns him into a person that enjoys hurting me. I feel like a lot of times I am walking on eggshells around him because I want to avoid arguments because when we have one it’s so bad. We are like 2 or 3 minutes into a conversation when he will switch like that. And the worst thing is that afterwards he doesn’t see anything wrong with this way of communicating with me.
I am 36 weeks pregnant and I worry how the stress will affect our baby.
Right now I am at a point where I think maybe I really can’t stay in that situation.
What happened is:
Last night we were having a small disagreement. I didn’t continue to bring more things because it was late and I thought we should get some rest. I just said one more thing like „I really hoped we would’ve been over this by now“ he didn’t reply and we went to sleep. The next morning I had also given everything a lot of thinking and I thought we could have another chat about it since we both calmed down or so I thought.
I explained to him calmly what I am thinking about it now. I swear to god I didn’t attack him or used insults or anything close to it i just explained my side again. I did not want to leave it because for me it wasn’t resolved. He let me speak but the minute I finished he said I did not understand him last night, did not listen, and if I listen enough I didn’t have to bring this up now. He said it was already finished. He got louder and louder as usual until he was shouting. As usual I asked him not to shout at me but it was no use like always, I don’t know why I am even trying every time. He just shouts more …
It’s like nothing I have said mattered he just repeated what he already said last night.
I said to him the reason why I am speaking about this again is because I have the desire to clear this but he said he is done with the conversation and I can say whatever I want but he will not reply anymore. He said: I am done with this bullshit. He got up and started to move away. I asked him if whenever for him something is done and over with means that I cannot say anything about it anymore, he just repeated that he is done with this shit and I should find my way and move on with my day, he will not talk to me.
Then he went to the other room and mumbled to himself he does that a lot and I feel so provoked by it because I know he will say something about me. I ended up shouting at him that he has zero self control and that I find him fucking nasty. I am usually not like this. I hate being like this and I don’t want it. I just ended up going to the other room and been crying for 2 hours straight.
Whenever that happens he will never come to console me. Even if he hears me. He has no feelings about it. He will just be on his phone or watch TV. It’s very lonely.
I wonder 1) if our daughter is there if he will also treat her like that when she is older and they should have an argument over something and 2) if he will speak to me like that in front of her or otherwise control himself but will give me the silent treatment for several days (that one has also already happened)
I don’t think I can bring a child into this kind of environment unless he would agree to go to counseling with me and individually. I am thinking to leave our home for a few days to have some space to think this through.